


Fishes Out of Water

by kadytheredpanda



Category: Tintin (Comic), Tintin - All Media Types
Genre: Kidfic, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-14
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2017-11-07 17:19:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 28,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/433553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kadytheredpanda/pseuds/kadytheredpanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That little drunken trip he took in Maine years ago is about to haunt Captain Haddock big time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. She Slumbers

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Fishes Out of Water  
> Author: LM Simpson (Kady the Red Panda)  
> Pairing(s): Tintin/Haddock  
> Rating: T at the moment, but may be M in the future.  
> Warning(s): slash, brief sexual content, language, child abuse,  
> Disclaimer: I am not associated with Moulinsart.  
> Other tidbits: Yet another kinkmeme prompt! The rating may go up as it gets more graphic. Hence I’m not sure what rating to give it just yet. So the T is just for safety at the moment.
> 
> Dear self: Why am I writing another kid!fic when I’m not done with that Sonic fic of mine? I should really finish that one, you know. It only has, like, two chapters left.
> 
> Meh, fuck it. Onward we go!

The little girl whose presence would soon shake Marlinspike Hall’s foundations arrived sleeping in the backseat of Thomson and Thompson’s car. When the detectives arrived in front of the historic estate Thompson struggled to pick up the child, so tiny yet so heavy in his arms, as his partner fished her worldly possessions—a black plastic suitcase suited for business travel and a dirt-caked blond babydoll—from the automobile’s compact trunk.

Thompson, still cradling the girl, stepped back to the front and leaned for his cane, sending the girl’s wavy, waist long black hair over her face.

“By Caesar, Thompson!” the other hissed by whisper. “Go any further and the girl will bump her head! Do you want her to wake up again?”

Thompson flashbacked to a time before the girl finally feel asleep and swiftly regained proper posture. He shuddered. “Fine then! _You_ grab my cane!”

Thomson, hands already occupied, at first going by instinct and placing the dirty doll under his armpit, swiftly changed his mind when caked mud cracked off and landed with a “tap” on his shoe.

“Bloody hell! And they were just polished too!” He whined as he grabbed the doll by its hair. He tossed it onto the roof before clutching both canes. They could always drop it off later after giving the toy a good wash, he assumed.

The wait for someone to answer the door was expected. As far as the pair knew, no one was expecting someone to come over that day.

Sure enough, when Nestor finally answered the door after a ten minute wait, the butler’s eyes slightly bulged upon spotting the slumbering child.

“Why good day gentlemen,” he finally said. “What appears to be going on? Do you need me to summon an ambulance?”

“Why no,” Thomson said, “There is no need for an ambulance. The girl is alright. Just sleeping, is all. We are simply dropping her off.”

“To be precise: we are dropping her off to her father’s residence.”

“…Master Haddock never told me he had a daughter,” Nestor said.

“Neither did we,” Thomson replied, “until we were notified that a wee girl, about eight years old at most, was walking about town on her own to locate the captain’s old residence. “

“When we found her we initially didn’t believe she could possibly be his until we examined her features closely—I’d show you her nose, for instance—but I’m afraid to wake her up. Her temper, if anything, proves just who her father is.”

“Hmm,” Nestor emitted, head cocked towards her. “Well then, I’ll be sure to inform Master Haddock soon. But first, come with me. Let’s prepare her a room in the third floor guest room first.”

Nestor knew exactly what the captain and Tintin were doing when he spotted Snowy scratching at a flea outside the elder man’s bedroom. He shooed the detectives back into the guest room with fresh bed sheets and pillowcases as he advanced to the hallway’s opposite end. Surely Master Haddock, post a brief huff of anger, would understand why he compromised Tintin and his time together.

A rap on the door brought no response. The butler’s hearing deteriorated enough that he could no longer hear faint noises anymore, including heavy breathing, but if nothing was going on there would’ve been an almost immediate answer from either. Nestor knocked three more times, each harder against the wood than the last, before Captain Haddock finally opened the door. His fuchsia anchor print robe sloppily slinked off his shoulders, and his belt’s knot was half-heartedly secured.

Haddock adjusted his clothing as he snapped, “Blistering barnacles, Nestor! This has better be important! I was in the middle of something, you know!”

“It is indeed quite important. The detectives would like to see you in the guest room down the hall. Tintin may come if he wishes.”

Tintin popped his head behind Haddock’s. “What’s happening, Nestor?”

“You’ll both find out in a moment,” Nestor answered as he already began his trek without them. “Though I have to say the news is quite shocking, to say the least of it.”

Tintin and Haddock, walking juxtaposed, stared at each other in confusion. Snowy, happy to reunite with his master after a fifteen minute separation, followed behind Tintin with his tail wagging.

Thomson and Thompson tiptoed out of the room before the other men reached their destination.

“She’s all yours,” Thomson said.

“Let her sleep for as long as need be. She will be quite the ball of energy when she wakes up,” Thompson added with a tint of dread.

“’She?’” Haddock said. “Don’t tell me it’s Castafiore, Nestor! …Is it?”

“If it was Castafiore I would’ve called a taxi by now,” Nestor said.

“We’ll visit later in the week,” they both said as they reached the stairs. “See you soo—“

Thomson (or was it Thompson?)’s ankle gave out at a step, causing one to crash into the other and have two bumbling detectives bumble down the staircase. Haddock looked down in shock he was sure he shouldn’t have, having known the two for a couple of years. Tintin looked down in fright and concern for the two. Nestor’s eyes turned towards the door behind them—surely the commotion would’ve woken even the lightest sleeper up. Snowy “woahed.”

Each detective raised an arm up. “We are alright!” They interjected before resuming a run to the front.

Tintin breathed a sigh of relief. “I wonder how they managed to get up just like that, Snowy.” He turned towards his dog before realizing something. “Similar to a cat, am I righ—“

He twisted his head right, then left. “Hey, where did everyone—Oh, right… Come on, Snowy!”

Young man and dog entered the still open guest room. The captain leaned over the made up bed. Atop it was a little girl wrapped in a gray blanket. Tintin could see the girl evidently was only in her undergarments, as a dirty navy pinafore and a short sleeved cream Peter Pan collared shirt lay scattered by the room’s hamper. Tintin scooped the garments into their proper place before squatting by his friend and lover.

“Captain, what is—Captain?”

Haddock’s mouth was open. Not all the way down, but open enough to make it obvious. He forwarded a calloused hand towards the girl, whose hair obscured most of her face. The hand unsteadily shook before finally pulling a handful of hair away from her face and back against her neck. The girl’s face, while not completely like his, reminded Tintin of someone. And evidently it brought on the same idea for the captain.

“Captain—“

“ _Blistering--!..._ ”


	2. She Awakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter doesn't cover the whole backstory. More will come in later chapters.

"… I knew it!"

Tintin faced him, raising a brow. "Knew what, Captain?"

Captain cradled his face with a hand. He breathed deeply before removing it. "Chester and I… Chester and I, we talked about this after I left…"

Tintin sensed that Nestor had since departed. "Left where?"

Before Haddock could respond the gray blanketed lump on the bed stirred. A high pitched grunt filled the room as the girl squirmed in her cocoon. The men watched as she finally shook herself free and stood up on the bed in her ivory undershirt and matching shorts. Haddock swallowed a lump in his throat when their matching blue eyes met.

"Why, um… Hello," Tintin said first. He smiled and waved before jabbing Haddock in the arm with his elbow.

"Uh… Hi there…" The captain nervously smiled. "Did you sleep well, lass?"

Her fiery eyes pierced like the captain's when he was intensely angered. "Where am I?" She asked, her English in an accent Tintin did not recognize, but one that made Haddock's fears all the more confirmed. "And who are you two?

She leaned forward. "Wait…" She pointed at the captain. "You look very familiar…"

She hopped off the bed towards a small black suitcase. A quick rummage produced a photograph that she analyzed intensely, when she did not face Haddock. Eventually she said:

"Are you… Captain Archibald Haddock?"

It took a moment, but Haddock eventually gained the courage to nod. "Yes. Yes, I am."

The girl roared and charged at him. Tintin struggled to pull her back as she cursed at the top of her lungs, "You bastard! You bastard! You awful bastard! Let me go, carrot top! LET ME GO!" She kicked and threw punches in the air, picture now on the ground.

"Great snakes, does she have a mouth!"

The girl went limp in his arms. She began to cry. "Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me with her? And them? Why?"

Haddock fought for an explanation that did not exist. "Wh-what do you mean?"

Still crying in Tintin's clutches, she pointed at him. "You were never there for me! I always hoped you would come home, but no! You never did! You left me with just my drunk mother until she…" At this point words ceased and she sobbed harder.

"Tintin, place her back on the bed…"

Haddock sat beside the girl, now sandwiched between the two men. She now rubbed her wet red eyes with her fists.

"Hey, hey, calm down, lass! It's okay, it's okay…" He impulsively hugged her before awkwardness made him half-regret it. The girl made a half-hearted attempt to shove her body away from him, but then shifted herself deeper in her father's embrace.

She sniffed. "How do you know? You don't know anything about me!"

"No, I don't. You're right about that part. In fact, to be honest, dear, I did not even know you existed until ten minutes ago. But I know that at least here you'll be safe here with Tintin and I. Would you like us to start our relationship anew? Hmm?"

Haddock squeezed her tighter. She grunted before replying.

"Fine."

"Good, um, uh—What is your name?"

"Colleen."

"Colleen? What a pretty name!" Not what I would've chosen, but then again… He finally got a good sniff of her. "Whew! You must've been traveling for a very long time! How about I have our butler run you a bath before supper time?"

She shook her head. "Nope. I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Wouldn't you prefer being squeaky clean?"

"Nope."

Haddock let her go, rubbed his temples.

"Hey Colleen," Tintin said, "would you like to play with my dog, Snowy?" He pointed at the dog at the foot of the bed licking his toes.

For the first time today, the girl beamed. "Would I? Oh my gosh, he's so adorable! Does he know tricks?"

"He knows fetch…"

The girl slid to the floor, tried catching the dog. Snowy yelped as he ran out of the room.

"Hey, get back here!" She cried as she followed him.

Tintin moved his head out of the room and giggled at the sight of Colleen running after the tail-wagging dog before turning and closing the door.

"Well, at least it seems Snowy quickly got used to her…" His bare foot landed on something flat and square shaped. Picking it up, he recognized the object.

"Wow, Captain! You look so much younger in this picture!"

"Let me see it!"

Tintin handed Haddock the dog eared photograph before sitting down. The man captured in sepia tone lacked less bags under his eyes and a receding hair line, but it was still clear just who he was to both men without reading the back's description.

"Well, I'll be. She still kept that picture after all these years."

"What do you mean, Captain?"

"You see…" Haddock sighed. "A couple of years before we bumped into each other, lad, and even before I headed the Karaboudjan, I was contracted to work a summer off the coast of Maine. You know, in America. Borders Canada, famous for its lobsters."

Tintin nodded. "Yes… Go on…"

"Anyway, one night towards the end of my tenure I met a woman at a very seedy little pub. Whether she was a fisherman's daughter, a drifter, or a prostitute, I'm not too sure. I don't even remember much about her from the top of my head. Most days we just talked to the point we discussed the idea of being pen pals. The day I left, though, I just remember waking up in her bed with nothing but my birthday suit on and her cooking scrambled eggs in the kitchen. I found a used rubber in the trash that spilled some of my seed when I picked it up, but I didn't think much about it. Just figured that it was just poorly closed before being tossed with the rubbish."

"But it wasn't."

"It wasn't until later, after I sobered up long enough, that I realized just which end my stuff came out. When I told him about it, Chester suggested that maybe she drugged me and pricked a hole in the rubber so that she could try making an Archie, Junior with me before I left."

"Wow. That is just…" Tintin held his aching head. "How did you react when you found out?"

"Well, first I was furious."

"I could imagine that," Tintin said quickly.

"I didn't forgive her. In fact, part of me still hasn't forgiven her. She did send me several letters when I first arrived back home but I just tossed or burned them without even bothering to read them. Then, once logic kicked in I realized that maybe she was trying to tell me to help her with our child. I sent her a letter, but she never answered. I felt like such a fool. I've always been a drinker but I fell so deep in depression that I tried drinking my sorrows away. In fact, I was still drinking and crying like a slob over it when you came along and saved me from a premature death."

An arm curled around Tintin as he continued: "Perhaps it's just natural that I eventually fell in love with my rescuer…" He smooched Tintin's cheek, ruffled his hair with his other hand.

Tintin touched the affected area and blushed. "Yes, but... If you were so sure that you had a child, how come you never told me once during the six years you've known me?"

"I got too involved in our escapades, I guess. The possibility, however, still occasionally haunted me in my dreams. Why, I actually dreamed of a child similar to her coming here just two nights ago…"

Tintin looked him square in the eyes. "Captain… Do you believe that we can take care of a child?"

"I think that we take care of Snowy fairly well. Isn't rearing a pet similar to rearing a child?"

"Maybe… I'm not entirely sure. I had just barely left my childhood myself when I met you."

"It could be worse, I guess. We could've been raising a baby, not a nine or ten year old."

Tintin smiled. "Yes, you're correct on that."

Haddock clasped his fingers around Tintin's. The former reporter secured the bond. "We're in this together, lad. Don't you forget it."

"I definitely won't."

The two liplocked until a crash came outside, accompanied by Colleen yelping in pain.

"Should we check on her?" Tintin said, starting to get up.

Haddock pressed a palm on the redhead's thigh. "She's a big girl. Give her a chance lad," he said before another smooch on the cheek. Tintin "hmm'ed."


	3. The Brief Search for Silly Suzie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is post-Picaros, as the OP from the kinkmeme wanted, so Tintin is wearing bell bottoms instead of plus-fours here. I just wanted to get that out of the way before anyone complains.

Colleen came downstairs the next morning with freshly laundered clothes and untidy bed hair. She yawned and rubbed her eyes before scouting the dining room for an empty chair.

She did not need to look far. There were five chairs at the table, not counting Snowy lapping water from a metal bowl on the floor, and four of them were filled by older men. Her father sat in the far left corner, reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. Unlike the last time she saw him, he was not wearing a robe but rather a navy pullover and black pants. Evidently a love of navy ran in the family. To his side was the quiff-sporting carrot top, also no longer in a robe but regular clothing praying before chowing down. And across from Tintin was the butler that just sat down right when she entered the room. She did not recognize the oldest one, bald scalped and bespectacled, who appeared occupied with something in a notebook as his fork absent mindedly stabbed at and missed a chunk of egg. She wanted to ask who the mysterious man was, but hunger trumped her thirst for knowledge.

The chair between Tintin and Nestor's seats squeaked across the floor. Haddock curled the top of his newspaper downward enough that he could see the girl's face, but with Tintin's head blocking he could only see her nappy black hair.

"Morning, lassie!" He said. "I presume you slept well?"

She reached over the table for the food and juice at the center of the table. "Yeah, I slept okay. I just want to eat now."

She grunted as her short arms strained for the fruit bowl.

"You know, Colleen," Tintin calmly said, "I would've gladly given you what you wanted if you asked for it."

She plopped back into her seat and groaned. Her stomach growled again. "Can I have a banana then?"

"Say 'the magic word.'"

"Can I have a banana please…"

The old man across from Haddock finally turned to face her. He smiled before saying:

"Oh, there she is! Good morning!"

"Who's the old guy?" She asked. "My grandpa?"

The captain choked on his coffee.

Tintin laughed. "Oh no! That's Professor Calculus!" He leaned over before whispering, "He's near deaf Colleen. Try to watch what you say around him."

"What are you trying to say about me?" She snapped.

Calculus grabbed a small platter buried in toast. "Would you care for some toast, Maureen?"

"Colleen," She corrected, "But yeah, I'll have some. Can I have that jam next to you too?"

"Lamb?" Calculus said as Nestor passed the platter. "Oh, I'm sorry dear! We don't have lamb on the table at the moment…"

"Not lamb, Cuthbert!" Haddock snapped. "Jam! J-A-M!"

"Whether it's lamb or jam," Nestor said, "the point is moot. It's actually chocolate spread."

Colleen's eyes brightened. "Chocolate? Did you say chocolate?"

"So I was correct: my last minute run to the grocery store was worth it, Master Haddock… Yes, it's a chocolate nut butter. Apply however much you like, Miss Colleen."

"Wow, you guys have chocolate for breakfast? You guys rule compared to my snooty grandparents!"

Tintin's eyes widened as the girl scooped spoonful after spoonful all over her toast, and then smothered it about her banana.

"That much can't be good for her."

She bit into a piece of toast and chewed with a chocolate-filmed smile on her face.

"Let her have her fun while she can, Master Tintin," Nestor said with a wink at the end.

3333

Colleen, laying back against bed about an hour after breakfast, clutched her stomach.

"But I don't wanna go for a walk, Daddy. My stomach's about to pop!"

"I knew that all that chocolate couldn't be good for her," Tintin said.

"Thundering typhoons Tintin, what is it with you and that spread?" Haddock shifted from scolding Tintin to sympathizing with Colleen.

"Colleen dear, would you like some tea before we walk? Will that make it feel better?"

"I like my tea with lots of sugar."

"More sugar? A lot of sugar is exactly what got—"

"Tintin! Enough with that claptrap already!" He switched back to "impressionable daddy mode." "What else will help?"

"Dad, you don't understand! I really don't want to go walking! It's so boring!"

"Aww, but I'll be so sad if you don't come with Tintin, Snowy, and me!"

Colleen stared silently at the bearded man at the foot of her bed, then guiltfully at her stocking covered toes, before shifting into a sit.

She hugged him as she said, "Okay, I'll go…

"Hey Tintin, can you get me my doll? I wanna take Suzie with me."

"Where would she be?"

"By my suitcase, where else?"

Tintin searched the room for the business suitcase, finally locating it by an armoire on the other side of the room moments later. He opened it up, found some old letters that may be important among the couple changes of underwear, and snuck them into his bell bottom pockets before replying:

"Colleen, I don't see anything that looks even somewhat human here."

"She wouldn't be in the suitcase, you dummy. Did you check the drawers?"

A swift check in the armoire resulted in a "no, nothing," from Tintin.

"Dad, move," She said, motioning him before lowering her head to the floor and checking under the bed curtains. Her eyes showed panic when she pushed her hair back to behind her neck.

"What's wrong, lass?"

Colleen jerked her head towards different spots in the room. "Where else can Suzie be?"

"I'll go check by Snowy's bed in case I missed it this morning," Tintin said. He left the room immediately post-sentence. A pregnant pause ended in Tintin calling out, "No, it's not in there!"

"Ask Nestor if he knows anything, lad!"

She began hyperventilating. "No, no… She can't be gone, Suzie can't be gone…"

"Calm down now, it's all right…" Haddock leaned over to hug her. "Don't worry too much about it. We can always buy another one. After all, it's just a do—"

"Just a doll? Just a doll?" Colleen screeched into his ear before pushing him away. "You don't understand! Silly Suzie is not just a doll! She's my friend! And she makes everything not so scary!"

"….'Not so scary?'"

Tintin having just re-entered the room, replied:

"Oh, I get it! The doll isn't just a toy for her. It's also her security blanket of sorts!"

"Exactly!"

"Where did you see Suzie last, Colleen? Nestor didn't recall seeing any doll with your belongings when he did your laundry."

She sat on her bed, musing. Then, her eyes lit up, and she rose an arm straight into the air.

"They took my doll! Those brutes took my doll!"

"Colleen, who?" Haddock asked. "Who took your doll?"

"They found me in town when I was looking for you," she said, "They were bald and they had mustaches and they were twins," she answered. "At least, I think they were twins…"

Tintin and Haddock starred at each other.

"I'll call them over right now Captain," Tintin declared.

3333

"Why yes, I recall the doll," Thomson said outside of Marlinspike half an hour later. "We took it back to our apartment."

"To be precise: the doll is recalled and taken home by us!"

Haddock picked up the kicking girl as she yelled, "I knew it! I want Suzie back, you thieves!"

"Us? Thieves? Quite the contrary, little girl!" Thomson said, "The doll was quite grungy. It needed a good bathing, I believed. You can get worms from dirty toys, you know!"

"Yeah, that's nice and all," Haddock said, "But where is Suzie? Did you dimwits leave it back at your place?"

"It should be, our Captain friend, assuming Thompson here did the laundry when I asked him to," Thomson continued replying. He turned to his partner. "You did wash the poppet… Am I correct?"

"What do you mean, Thomson? I did not see any little girl playthings with our sweaty suits!"

"You mean you did not wash it? Didn't you pick it… off the…" Thomson tugged at his collar while his enlarging eyes sighted Haddock, Haddock-spawn, and Tintin.

"What did you do to my friend? Tell me! Tell me!"

"I… I…" Thomson removed his bowler hat and wiped the collected sweat from his forehead.

"Blue blistering barnacles! Just finish the sentence already!"

"I left her on the roof of our car yesterday! She must've slid off while we were driving away!" Thomson hid behind Thompson. Thompson responded by hiding behind Thomson.

"You bird-brains did what?" Haddock yelled over Colleen's cries.

"We are terribly sorry!"

"No, you're terribly sorry! I wasn't the one to place her there!" Thompson snapped.

"You- you're supposed to be helping me here!"

Colleen looked up to her father the best she could, considering that she was still suspended in the air by him. "Dad, Tintin! We have to find her!"

"How?" The captain said. "She could be anywhere by now, Colleen!"

"Conduct a search party! Hire a copter! Place lost posters! Call the National Guard! Do something, Daddy!"

"There is no way I'm contacting a militia for a lost doll," Haddock loudly murmured. Colleen responded by kicking backward in the right place. He set her free, clutching at the sore area. Tintin ran after the war crying girl, who in turn ran after the fleeing detectives.

"Revenge! Revenge! Revenge!" She screeched as she galloped after their speeding car. "I'll have my revenge! I'll sue you, and I'll have Dad sue you, and I'll have everyone else in this place sue you even if I need a translator to do it!" Eventually, she ate their dust, coughed some of it back up, and stopped and sobbed in the middle of the road as she rubbed the dirt and saltwater tears from her eyes.

Tintin stopped behind her, grabbed her hand. He tugged, saying, "Colleen, come with me. You're going to get hurt if you stay here like this."

"I don't care!" She said, standing her ground to each tug.

"I care, and I'm sure your father would care if you turned into a pancake as well."

Colleen emitted another, weaker cry. "Let's go back inside and take a rest; I'll let Snowy stay in your room if that's what you want."

Colleen sniffed before pivoting her feet and standing at the redhead's side. "Okay… But I'd rather see the dog later. He's cute, but I just want to be left alone right now. Maybe later."

"I understand."

Haddock still walked a tad awkwardly when the ex-reporter and the little girl walked past him and back into their collective home.

"Colleen," He said when he caught up with them on the second floor landing, "don't you ever hit a man like that ag—"

"Tell her that another time, Captain," Tintin said, "She needs some time alone. She's really distraught at the moment."

When she was secured in her bedroom, Haddock replied:

"Blistering barnacles! I understand that the doll was a 'security blanket' of sorts Tintin, but Colleen treated that doll like it was her lifeline!"

"Maybe those papers I found in her suitcase will explain some things," Tintin said.

"What papers?"

"I'll explain to you once we go into the reading room. If I'm correct, maybe they will explain some things about Colleen we don't understand or know yet. And not just about that 'Silly Suzie.'"


	4. The Fisher Letters

Tintin stacked the folded, crumbled papers on the coffee table in front of the couch Haddock and he sat on in the reading room.

"Tell me again where you found these, lad?"

"They were in Colleen's suitcase. I found them while I looked for her doll."

"You little snoop!" He replied with a 'ha.' " I thought you said you quit doing that!"

"The habits of a reporter die hard Captain," he stated.

Tintin unfolded and shuffled the papers, placing them side by side each other. There were five in all, most type written. A couple of photos had fallen from one folded paper; they laid in another stack beside Tintin's crude grid.

The first, and smallest, piece Tintin examined appeared to be torn from a book.

"It's from a passport," Tintin said. "There's stamps to Dublin, Paris, and downtown, all stops on the same flight."

"Okay," Haddock said, mostly as a confirmation that he listened to his friend.

Tintin replaced the sheet. Next were two scrapbook pages with newspaper clippings on the two of them pasted: one after they helped foil the opium ring the Karaboudjan was involved in and the second after they recovered the Unicorn. Someone scribbled something in pen on each of them, but the short hand and faded ink made the writing too hard to decipher. Tintin blushed before setting them aside.

The next item proved more interesting.

"It looks like a copy of Colleen's birth certificate."

Haddock leaned over and quickly examined the torn, worn paper. "Colleen Anne Fisher… We'll definitely need to fix that… Her birthday is April 17? That would be nine months after I left Maine…"

His eyes transitioned from Colleen's personal info to her parents's data. He slapped his head as he said, "Ugh! Agnes! That was her name! I remembered it started with an 'A,' but for some reason I could not remember her actual name to save my life! Agnes, Agnes…"

Then he searched for his name on the appropriate line. "Hey! My name isn't there!"

He was right. Tintin noticed every space detailing the newborn's father was completely blank. "That was because you weren't around to complete the form with her mother, Captain."

Haddock planted a palm on his face. "Blistering… Is that why she doesn't have my name? Because I wasn't in Maine to fill out a form for two minutes?"

"I doubt she would've had your name even then unless you married 'Agnes,'" Tintin said. "When the mother gives birth out of wedlock the baby usually receives the mother's surname. It's common practice, Captain. I thought even you would know that."

He scoffed. "What are you trying to say about m—" He sighed. "You know what? Gimme that. I'd like to look at that in private later."

Tintin sighed as he loosened his grip on the paper. Haddock refolded it and placed in his pocket.

"What's the last one lad?"

Tintin picked it up and cleared his throat.

"Dear A. Haddock," the typewritten letter began, "Ever since our pitiful daughter Agnes moved to permanent residence at the Maine State Health Hospital two months ago, we have taken our granddaughter, your daughter Colleen A. Fisher, under our wing. Colleen is a wild animal that we cannot control, nor try to control, any longer. Take care of your own damn bastard, Mr. and Mrs. J. B. Fisher."

Both men paled.

"…Great snakes…"

"'Wild animal?' Wild animal? My child is not an animal! A bit unruly, if the first two days prove anything, but an animal?..." Haddock, red-faced, breathed through his teeth. "Billions of blue blistering barnacles, she's a Haddock! What do you expect?"

"Even with that 'explanation,'" Tintin said, "there is still no justification for them to just abandon a little girl like that. What rancid folks!"

"At the very least, it's a good thing that she's with us now."

"Yes, you're right about that Captain…"

"I just hope I don't let her down anymore." Haddock's palm buried into his face again.

Tintin placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. As long as you're there for her that should be enough for her."

Haddock's face reappeared. "I hope you're right lad. I hope you're right."

Tintin noticed he had not disturbed the photographs, both face down in their petite stack, yet. He reached towards them, his finger slightly sliding one when a knock came on the door.

"Whoever it is, we're busy!" Haddock called.

"Even if it is the Thompson Twins?" Nestor asked. "They're here with a 'Silly Suzie,' whoever 'Silly Suzie' may be."

Tintin took the time replacing the items back into his pocket when Haddock and Nestor walked downstairs in tandem.

"You found the doll?" Haddock asked the duo a couple of feet from the ground floor staircase. Thompson held his arms behind his back as both nodded uneasily.

Thomson began "Well… Not the whole doll…"

And Thompson ended "But rather a part of it."

"The doll, in our defense, was already quite worn long before we—"

"—You—"

Thomson cleared this throat. "Excuse me, I—he glared at Thompson—placed the doll on our roof. Perhaps she was one of those used toys the poor children receive from—oh, hello there, Tintin!- churches during Christmas time. Either way, however it happened, Silly Suzie was mutilated by the time we found her off the road not too far from this abode."

Haddock winced. "Should we just pretend that this meeting ever happened?"

"I think we should just give her the toy, Captain."

"Give her the toy?"

"If she blows up on us, then so be it. But maybe that's not the case."

"Well then, you shall bring it to her!" Thompson cried before tossing the remains towards the three men in front of him. Nestor caught the piece, then transferred it to Haddock.

"She is your daughter," He defended before stepping away and resuming polishing work on a statue.

"Tintin, this is ridiculous," Haddock gulped as they trekked the possible death march to the third floor. "We're giving her 'Silly Suzie' not in pieces but a piece! She will devour me alive!"

"Just keep calm, Captain. Just keep calm."

Tintin creaked the third floor guest room's door open.

"Colleen?" He called.

"What is it?" She asked. She was wide awake, twisting a strand of parcel string around her fingers.

"Your turn now," Tintin said.

Haddock and Tintin switched places.

"Hey, Colleen… The two detectives…"

"The two thieves, you mean?"

"Um, well… They found 'Silly Suzie,' dear."

She happily gasped. "They did?"

"Yes, but, um, there's just one little problem?"

"Well? What is it?"

Haddock, with the piece behind his back, widened the door opening. He gulped again before revealing the dirty long blond haired babydoll's decapitated head. He smiled forcibly and whimpered.

To Tintin and Haddock's surprise, the girl did not scream threats of revenge, or any other anger-based emotion. Instead she jumped off the bed, pulled the doll away from her father's grasp by its cheeks and guffawed.

"Wicked cool! It's like one of those shrunken heads in those Ripley shows!"

"So… You're not angry?"

"Nope! She's just cooler than she already was now! Thanks for rescuing Suzie, Daddy and Tintin!" Still clutching the doll, she hugged Haddock so tightly he gasped for air.

"So is it too late to go for a walk?"


	5. A Stroll with a Side of Conversation

With Suzie's head flapping against her side with one hand and her father's large, strong hand firmly wrapped around the other, Colleen felt ensured that this walk would not be a total chore like the ones her grandparents always insisted she take back in Maine. She walked at a faster pace than the two men sandwiching her, about a similar speed to the dog happily trotting in front of Tintin, and her father struggled to sync speed with her.

"Slow down, lassie! It isn't a race, y'know!"

"I'm not being too fast," Colleen said, "You're just being too slow, Dad!"

Tintin chuckled. "I guess you could see it with that perspective…"

Colleen continued watching the terrier. "Is he ever on a leash? Or a collar?"

"When he's with other people, like in an airplane, he's on a leash," Tintin replied. "But not out here. It's too rural. Same thing for the collar."

"…Oh. I thought he never wore one. I thought you guys let your dogs off them all the time, unlike back at home. Grandma was actually trying to make it a law for people's dogs to wear leashes even in the fenced backyard! Isn't that stupid?"

"Hmm… I doubt stupid is quite the word I would've chosen," Tintin said, "Maybe more like… I don't know, eccentric?"

"What does eccentric mean?"

"Weird," Haddock said, "Like Professor Calculus."

"Is it a good weird, like Ripley's? Because if it's a good weird, then that isn't a good word for my grandma. Or my grandpa or mom, for that matter…"

"I presume you don't like them too much?" Tintin asked.

"I don't hate my mom!" Colleen snapped. "She's just a drunken psycho, that's her problem. Last time I saw her…" Her head dropped and she paused. When she tilted it back up, she continued, "…I'd rather not talk about that. But yeah, I don't like my grandparents too much."

"Why not dear?" Haddock asked.

"They're crazy," she said with an upturned nose. "Everything must be their way or the highway. They wouldn't let me listen to the radio, or dance to music, or read the comics… They wouldn't even let me outside and play because I had to learn to be a woman unlike my mom or something stupid like that. I found a scrapbook Mom had of Dad before staying with them and they tried tearing it apart and using it for fire starters when they found it. When I found your old address in one of the few papers I saved Dad, I asked if we could visit you because evidently you had too much time to come and see me."

"Colleen, I—"

"And what happened?" Tintin said.

"They told me to pack my bag and go there myself. And to never come back to them. …Which is fine with me!" Colleen looked at her feet.

"Colleen… Did they ever hurt you?"

"No," She breathed. She clasped Suzie against her heaving chest.

"Colleen, I'm your father. You can tell me anything."

"I said, no."

"Are you—"

"I said no, dammit!" She screeched. "Leave me alone!" She wrenched her fist from her father's and stomped away from the group.

"She's lying, Tintin," he whispered. "That's not how she would react if they didn't do anything. Oh, if I ever meet these two mold samples…"

"Give her some time, Captain. Maybe she's just embarrassed or too scared of them to talk about it."

Colleen turned around, stepped towards them with her head still down.

"Well that was quick!" Haddock said.

When the girl stopped in front of them, she promptly squeezed her skinny arms around Haddock's large torso.

"I'm sorry," she said, sniffling. "Please don't be mad at me!"

"Colleen… I'm not mad at you. What should I be mad at you for?"

"You're not mad?" She pulled away. "Phew! I thought you were gonna…" Her eyes dashed from one side to the other and an arm snaked towards her back and scratched. "… Uh, never mind."

"Are you sure?"

Colleen glared at both. "I said, never mind."

"Okay, okay…" Tintin said. "We understand you…"

Haddock grabbed his pipe, filled it with tobacco, and lit it. "Say, Colleen… We have some questions to ask you, not about your grandparents."

She still hugged Suzie. "Yeah?"

Snowy noticed a butterfly. He barked at it, then dashed towards it.

One of her feet began pivoting. Tintin grabbed her before her body's remainder could rotate. "Not just yet, Colleen. Not just yet. Your dad and I want to hear your reply first."

She tapped her foot repeatedly and steadily. "What is it Daddy?"

"Well… Since you don't want to live with your grandparents, how about you live with Tintin and I?"

She looked back and Snowy and groaned. "But I'm already living with you guys! Did you really have to ask about that?"

"True," Tintin said, "But not in our legal custody."

Colleen really wanted to play with Snowy. She moistened her lips and her foot kept a-tapping like Thumper the Rabbit. "So, you want me to live with you guys all the time, not with my grandparents?"

"Exactly!" Haddock answered.

"Did you really have to ask that? Geez, you know that I would've answered yes! Even the professor that can't remember my name is far cooler than my grandparents any day of the week! Now can I go now?"

"N—"

"Sure Colleen," Tintin said, "You can go play now."

Colleen promptly dashed towards the dog. When she was far away, but not too far away to resemble a speck in the horizon, Haddock took another puff from his pipe.

He glared at Tintin. "Thundering typhoons, Tintin, I wasn't finished asking her questions about school, or food, just then!"

"Didn't you see how urgently she wanted to play with Snowy, Captain? It was like putting cheese in front of a mouse, or waving a bottle of whisky in front of you!"

Haddock frowned.

"Before Calculus snuck those pills into your food of course," He added.

The captain sighed. "Maybe that was a good thing, I guess. Agnes actually did drink me under the table a couple of times at the bar. What would Colleen think of me if she did know how much I drank not even three years ago?"

"I already told you today—don't worry about that. Just be a father to her."

Haddock extinguished his pipe. "But what if it's not enough?"

"Don't worry, Captain…"

Tintin's fingers took Haddock's. "…It will be enough for me, at least. Now come on. Let's go catch up with the twosome."

The two resumed their stroll, hands clasped together. A sense of normality among the couple was restored.

"Tintin, lad?"

"Yes, Captain?"

"I like this and all, holding hands… I really do love it, honest… But may we please break apart when we get close enough to Colleen? I'd… rather her not see it."

"It's not like we're making love in front of her, Captain. I doubt a little hand holding will mentally scar her."

"I'm just not ready to tell her about us, that's all."

Tintin sighed. "All right. But we will talk to her about this subject eventually. I will promise you that much."


	6. A First Sign of Complications

The general arrangement of next morning's breakfast was similar to the previous. Colleen took her seat and wedged her bare legs between Tintin's and Nestor's. The men greeted her as she poured herself orange juice and struggled to reach the boiled eggs at the center of the table. All of the men did—except for Tintin, who occupied his attention with a letter, several pages long, from yesterday's post.

"Who's it from, Tintin?" She asked.

Tintin ignored her. After he transitioned to the next page with the most eager look she saw on the man in the three days she knew him, she got up and shook his shoulder about. He emitted a startled cry before facing her.

"What is it, Colleen?" He asked calmly, like the patient mother she never had.

"I said, 'who's it from?' Is it really that hard of a question to answer?"

"It? Oh, the letter? It's from an old friend of mine."

"Chang finally mailed you a reply?" Haddock asked before getting up to fetch a new cup of coffee.

"Yes, he did."

"What's it about, lad?"

"So far he's writing about how he likes living in Oakland the moment."

"Oakland?" Colleen asked. The name sounded familiar.

"Oakland?" Haddock asked. He knew of several major cities beyond the ones most "foreigners" knew such as New York and Los Angeles after a few months in America—Miami, Pittsburgh, Atlanta and the like—but he could not readily recall an Oakland. "Where the devil is Oakland?"

Something finally upstarted her memory. "I know! I know!" Colleen interjected with a giddy jump to the right of Tintin's seat. "It's right next to San Francisco!"

San Francisco. Yes, he knew of that one. "Oh, now I remember!" He began pouring expresso into his cup. "Thank you for jogging my memory, dear… Now why would sweet ol' Chang move into such a tough area?"

"Grandpa says it has a huge chink population."

Haddock yelped in pain when the pot's stream shifted from the cup to the hand lying on the counter. All men turned to her. Snowy turned as well, not because he necessarily understood what she just said, but because he loved a good "ooh, you're in trouble" moment. Even Nestor's eyes enlarged, albeit slightly.

"Excuse me?" Tintin asked, brows furrowing.

"What?" Colleen said, detecting that something was wrong. "What's wrong? What did I say?"

The professor gulped. "A kink? Where? In the pipes? How did that—" He paled at a revelation. "Oh my—I must go and rectify this immediately!"

Haddock turned on a faucet to cool his burning hand.

"Turn that blasted thing off immediately, Captain!" Calculus snapped with fear. "Oh, what if there is a grave buildup? I'll be right back!"

"A chink, Colleen?" Haddock asked as the door shut. His eyes pointed at Tintin. The lad, although not appearing murderously furious, was obviously the most offended.

"That was what he said," she replied, gulping before repeating, "What's wrong?"

Tintin folded the papers and pushed his chair back. Colleen stepped back, slightly trembling and gulping. "Come with me, Colleen. I need to speak with you privately for a moment."

Colleen, attempted to flee to the door, but Tintin was faster.

"Please don't hurt me!" She cried as he snatched her hand. "Whatever I said, I'm sorry!"

He clutched her chin, swiveled it towards his face. Colleen appeared close to crying. As angered as he was over what appeared to be no more than an unintentional slur against Chang's ethnicity, the thought of the girl expecting something from him hurt him smart. "I'm not going to hurt you," he whispered, "I'm just going to talk to you."

He freed the chin and advanced towards the door. He snapped a "stay, boy!" when Snowy stepped to his master, but said nothing else before closing the door behind Colleen and him.

Haddock and Nestor briefly stared at each other, both holding cooling cups.

The captain returned to his seat, frowning. "I hope the lad goes easy on her. It's not every day he becomes that miffed over anything."

"Sometimes a child needs tough love to learn a lesson, Master Haddock," Nestor said, rising and picking up Professor Calculus's food-deprived plate. "And besides—who would or could teach a girl a better lesson about not using racial slurs than Tintin?"

Haddock reflected as Snowy whimpered by his foot for his bacon. He opened his dry mouth, but a doorbell ring cut off his chance for reply.

"I'll answer it Nestor," he said, "You already have enough on your plate."

Nestor stared at the dog now begging him for scraps before removing his own plate from the table.

When Haddock answered the door, he instinctively slammed the door back shut. He drove his back against the doors in an effort to barricade it like a fleshy door stop. The visitor (or rather, invader in his mind), grunted with each push of the door, until he evidently body slammed it enough to jerk Haddock far enough away to open it. Haddock still rubbed his sore back as the man allowed himself in.

"Captain Haddock, my old friend!" Jolyon Wagg said, completely unfazed. "Surprised to see me, aren't you? I'm sure that you've had so many other pleasant surprises lately, considering how your daughter just moved in, what, two days ago?"

"And how did you know that I had a daughter?" Haddock asked.

"Gossip spreads, Captain. Just be fortunate that you have one, Haddock—why, my Uncle Anatole had fifteen lovechildren—"

Haddock squawked. "I beg your pardon?"

"—And those are the ones we know about! Apparently he had 'happy ending' discounts after doing a cut!" Jolyon laughed once. He appeared oblivious at the increasingly red faced captain in front of him as he said, "Oh bless his heart, Uncle Anatole, keeping them coming until he raised the barn…"

"Let me guess," Haddock grunted. "You want to sell me insurance for my daughter?"

"Are you sure you're not psychic, Captain? You just read my mind!" It took all the captain got to not slug the laughing man patting his shoulder right then and there. "But of course that's not the only reason I came to your lovely estate, friend! I also wanted to meet your little flower! Where is she?"

As if on cue, Tintin and Colleen stepped down together from the second floor staircase.

"I'm really sorry, Tintin! Really!" Colleen asked, rubbing a wet, puffy eye. "I know I say bad things sometimes, but I didn't mean it that time!"

Tintin placed a hand on her shoulder with a reassuring smile. "Colleen—it's alright. I understand. Apology accepted. Just don't say it again."

Colleen finally noticed, before reaching the ground floor staircase's base, the portly man to her father's side. "Hey, who's that?"

"Oh! Is that your little flower?" He stepped forward and pinched the puzzled child's cheek. "Oh, isn't she adorable!"

"Who is he?" She repeated after massaging her cheek. The men began chatting rapidly in French, ignoring her questioning and leaving her more and more frustrated.

"Geez Louise! Will anyone please tell me who fatso is?"

"An insurance salesman," her father answered with unveiled dread.

"Tell him we don't want any!" She cried.

Jolyon and Tintin continued talking. Haddock pointed at the world's most oblivious man. "He's like a vampire, sucking you dry! No, actually, he's worse than one! At least with a vampire you tell it to stay out, it can't enter your blasted hou—Colleen?"

The salesman detected a couple of quick jabs from a finger against his back. He beamed even wider when he turned around.

"Aww! Hi there, Maureen! Do you want to give me a nice, Maine USA welcome?"

Colleen responded with a shoe-clad foot forcefully driving itself between his legs. He collapsed on the ground with a high pitched screech and wheezed. "Whew, is she more powerful than she looks!" He squeaked, in between cries of pain and laughter. "Similar to how my Uncle Anatole was in boxing!"

He slowly got up, clutching his family jewels, with Tintin's assistance.

"Great snakes, I am so sorry, sir!"

"Not to worry! My kids do it to me all the time! Does she do self defense classes too? Maybe she can transfer into my darling Genevieve's!"

He shook the shocked girl's hand. "Put that into good use and you'll be a black belt in no time!"

"Uh… what?" A particular dazed ten year old girl asked.

"We should have dinner together sometime and introduce my clan to your little girl!"

"Uh—" Haddock attempt to butt in.

"I'll see when a time is good for all of my munchkins! I can sell you life insurance after dessert!"

"For a ten year old?" Haddock finally lost his cool. "Are you insane, you paramecium?"

Jolyon checked his pocket watch. "Oh my! The missus will need to be picked up from downtown in about ten minutes! I should go now!"

He patted Colleen, by now frustrated, confused, and feeling her private space was a tad violated, on the head before stepping outside.

"See you later! Jolyon said, mostly recovered from a kick to the groin. "Tell the old professor I said 'hi!'"

As soon as the door shut, Tintin faced the girl with another disapproving look.

"What now?" Colleen asked.

"Colleen!" Haddock snapped. "What did I tell you about kicking men right there? You know what? He's an exception. Good girl! I've always wanted to do that!" He patted her on the head. She ran her fingers through the mess, straightened it up a little.

"You're encouraging her to hurt an innocent man, Captain?" Tintin asked, aghast.

Haddock sighed and groaned. "Tintin's right—You shouldn't hurt innocent people. Only fight back in self-defense."

"Do insurance men not leaving count as self-defense?"

"No," Tintin replied. "Not at all."

"Shoot," Colleen said under breath. "Oh, and um, what was he saying?"

"Who? Jolyon?" Haddock asked. "Don't you speak French, dear?"

"I know a few things…"

"A few?" Tintin asked.

"Like hi and goodbye and I want something and that sort of stuff on the plane ride here… I had to ask where there was a bathroom at some point coming here, you know!"

"What are you talking about, you don't speak French?" Haddock asked. "Blistering barnacles, haven't you been… Oh… I didn't realize I've been speaking mostly English the past few days." He grunted as he covered his face.

"Oh my, I didn't realize that either! Captain, she can't function on her own around here if she can't speak the local tongue!"

"Are you calling me retarded, carrot top? Cause I'm not!"

"He's not, lass! Tintin knows you're smart! He's just making a point."

"Colleen, I'm just saying that without knowing French, how are you going to learn something at school, order something over the phone, listen to the radio or read the newspaper? You're going to sink if you don't swim! I'm concerned for your well-being!"

She briefly thought this over. "Good point… Hey, you have a French accent."

"Why… Yes, I do." Tintin blushed at saying the obvious. "It was my first language. In fact, I didn't even start learning English until I was about your age."

"Maybe you can teach me!"

"I don't see why not, lad," Haddock said, arms crossed. "You're the most prolific polyglot I know. Surely you have some sort of secret to it."

"A secret?" Colleen grinned. She skipped over to Tintin. "Ooh, tell me! Tell me! I won't tell, promise!" She unleashed her best puppy dog eyes.

Tintin caved in. "Okay, Colleen, I'll tell you it—tomorrow."

"That long?"

He nodded.

She turned to "Dad." "It must be a huge secret then!" She exclaimed.

Her father laughed. "I guess!"

Professor Calculus re-entered the abode covered in soot. "Oh, what wonders! There is nothing wrong with the pipes after all! For a moment, I thought my data was compr—"

He noticed three sets of eyes staring at him.

"What about the pipes, Professor?" Tintin asked.

"Oh, nothing!" Calculus swiftly asked. "Nothing of importance! No, anything!"

"Cuthbert…" Haddock asked. "What did you do to my pipes?"

"Nothing!" The professor moved on, squeezing between the small space between father and daughter, and climbed up the steps. "Now if you excuse me, I shall take a shower and a fresh change of clothing."

Haddock motioned Colleen to stay and began following him. "Cuthbert! I know you did something! Tell me, what did you—"

"Sue? Oh, please don't! If my experiment goes as planned, the impact on European society will be—"

Calculus frantically raced to the second floor bathroom.

"Professor! Professor! Dammit, Cuthbert, explain to me what you did this time!" He yelled as they disappeared into the left wing.

"The water's safe to drink! Honest! The Americans already do it! I'm just trying to prove a point!" The professor yelled before a door slammed.

The two men continued bickering as Snowy noticed the captain's daughter and his master staring at each other in the middle of the foyer. Colleen stooped down and scratched behind his ear.

"Hey Tintin," Colleen finally asked, "Is the professor a mad scientist?"

"Well… In a way… But on the other hand… Mon dieu, what would be the best way to explain it?"

"What does that mean? Mon dieu?"

"That? I'll teach you later."

"Is it a bad word?"

"Heavens no! There are only more basic and important topics I'd prefer to cover first, like counting." Tintin said. "But for now, I think I should stop your father before he beats the professor within a centimeter of his life over something as mundane as fluoride in the water supply."


	7. Some Bonding Time with Tintin

Tintin, hair and skin still moistened after that morning’s shower, entered the bedroom Captain Haddock and he shared for the past two years.

“You’re up for once?” He asked. Haddock was still in bed, evidently still nude after last night’s bedside tango. He sat up and appeared to be using a heavy book as a makeshift desk.

“Yes, I’m up,” he answered before a yawn slinked from his throat. “I just can’t stop thinking about this blasted birth certificate.”

“Because you’re not on it, Captain?” Tintin grabbed today’s clothing from besides his side of the bed, began disrobing.

“That, and other things we wouldn’t have to do if I stayed around.” He rubbed his hand over his face.

Tintin adjusted his shirt and boxers. As he leaned for his bell bottoms, he said:

“Maybe you weren’t meant to stay in Maine. Maybe you weren’t meant to stay with Agnes and Colleen for a reason.”

“What do you mean, lad?”

A leg entered one side. “Think about it. If you stayed over there, you could still be drinking yourself silly and be a rotten father to Colleen, no offense—“

“—None taken—“

“—Good.” The other leg entered the other. He began pulling up. “What I’m trying to say, Captain, is that perhaps you’re only finally meeting her now, after all these years, because you’re finally ready to be the best father possible. Sometimes misfortune can be a blessing in disguise.”

“I hope you’re right, lad.”

Tintin’s hair was completely dry by now. A large cowlick by his hairline stuck up like a soldier at attention. He opened the hair gel jar on his nightstand. Haddock recalled the first night he saw Tintin like that, and how seventeen-year-old Tintin spoke of what he deemed his only true nuisance.

“Would you call a stray lock of hair a misfortune, lad?”

He did not answer as he sculpted his trademark quiff in front of the body-length mirror with gel and comb. He was careful to not shake his head. “No. Not at twenty-three.”

“Good. Because I think you look excellent with or without the quiff.”

Tintin blushed. “Oh, trying to charm me, are you?”

“I’m just being honest lad!”

He walked over to the bed, crawled over to the man still clutching his daughter’s birth certificate. He smirked. “Honest honest?”

“Honest honest!”

“You’re so adorable when you’re flustered, Captain. Do you know that?” He gave him a peck on the cheek. “I would like to have some time together later tonight. But for now, I need to grab some items from the attic before meeting Colleen downstairs.”

“Good luck, then.”

Haddock watched Tintin leave before returning his attention to that cursed sheet of paper. He fumbled around his nightstand drawer and found the only fountain pen in there. Captain Archibald Haddock was going to fill out those fields whether anyone liked it or not, dammit, because he felt entitled to be given a little recognition for extending the Haddock bloodline to another generation. He could always request another copy anyway, he reasoned.

The pen apparently had other things in mind. When he picked it up, black ink smeared and oozed onto the drawer’s bottom, along his fingers, into his already grubby nails.

Colleen heard her father screech one of his typical, unusual curses from down the hall as she combed Suzie’s dirty hair on the guest bedroom floor.

“I wonder what he’s angry over,” she said to Suzie. Clumps of dirt—bits of proof that Snowy decided to play fetch with the doll’s head the day before—plopped onto her lap. The brief contemplation that maybe it was over something she did entered her mind, but then she remembered that she hadn’t even left the room that morning: not for the bathroom, not to say hi to her father, not even to eat (since Tintin promised food when they meant in the near future). And unlike her grandparents, Dad (or anyone else in his home) had yet to randomly break into her room to “discipline” her over a minor offense like leaving her bedroom lamp on all night long when she thought she heard something outside her bedroom window.

it’s not your fault, whatever it is, Suzie seemed to say, don’t worry.

Colleen frowned and sighed. But there was always that thought in the back of her mind, of the very opposite ringing true. “I hope you’re right, Suzie.” She stopped brushing to hug her dirty doll.

A knock on the door.

“Colleen? Are you in there? I’ll meet you in the second floor reading room.”

“…Okay, Tintin!”

…

When Colleen entered with Suzie in hand, Tintin was sipping a cup of tea in an armchair to a large window’s right. Smiling, he set the teacup aside and got up.

“Ah! Bonjour mademoiselle! Comment ça va?” He walked over to the girl, shook her hand and kissed the air just above her cheek thrice. Colleen responded by slapping him.

“Ow! Colleen, why did you do that?”

“You’re not related to me! You must be plotting to do something nasty with me!”

“No, I was not! I’m not plotting anything but to be part of your family! And it’s customary for family members to greet each other with a handshake and a few kisses.”

“…So you kiss Dad too?”

Tintin felt as if his tongue swelled tenfold its normal size, as if a wasp stung it.

“Tintin?”

Merde. This would’ve been easier to explain if the captain was with him at that moment. He would’ve been prepared then.

“Tintin? Yoo-hoo, carrot top, I’m talking to you…” She snapped her fingers into his face.

“…You know what, Colleen? I’m sorry. Maybe kiss-greeting you so soon wasn’t such a bright idea on my part after all.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Colleen grumbled.

“…Yes. At parties. Drunken New Year’s parties.”

Colleen’s brow slightly furled. Carrot top, she sensed, was definitely trying to hide something. Tintin gulped.

A quick quip Captain made regarding him flashbacked. “How about I tell you my secret while you have breakfast?”

Colleen leaned to one side, spotted the coffee table, and noticed the chocolate spread jar next to a small platter occupied by a couple croissants, bananas, and a milk pitcher. She promptly dashed over, almost bumping into Tintin in the process. She had just taken her first bite of her chocolate smothered croissant when the former boy reporter sat down to her left, hands behind his back.

“Do you have the secret?” She asked.

“You could say I have many upon many little secrets.”

“Wow! What are you showing me—your diary?”

Tintin placed a deck of handmade cards on the table, followed by a worn, used French-English dictionary, and a yellowed copy of a newspaper (or what Colleen perceived as a newspaper).

“Flash cards?”

He nodded.

“Is that your juiciest secret?” She asked. “Pretty lame.”

At least she did not appear furious. Just disappointed, more like it. “You’ll benefit so much more from practicing hard on your own. I’ll help you with pronunciation and other questions you have, but otherwise you’ll try to teach yourself, like I did. I’m positive you’re a very smart girl;”—Colleen’s eyes widened—“I know that you can do it. If all goes well, you should be able to read that from cover to cover with little to no assistance not so long from now.

“But for today…” He grabbed a ballpoint pen and notepad from beside the platter. "If you can write down the numbers one through ten in French ten times each, you… will go get ice cream with your father.”

“Just me and Dad?”

“Yes.”

She munched more of her croissant flavored chocolate spread. “Sounds cool. Sounds wicked cool. Now what are the numbers, Tintin?”

Tintin uncapped the pen, placed the notebook on his lap, and began slowly writing un, deux, trois…

7777

“Well? How did she do?” Haddock, lying on his back, asked after they arrived to bed post-dinner.

“She did really well,” Tintin said, changing into his pajamas on his side of the bed. “I gave her an assignment and she did it. You have to take her out for ice cream tomorrow.”

“Just her and me? Sounds like a swell enough idea to me. Maybe sometime in the afternoon?”

“Ooh! Can we go right after we walk Snowy?”

The men turned to the doorway, viewed Colleen, still in her day clothes, just in the hallway.

“What? You guys left the door open… Say, are you two sleeping in the same bed?”

“What?” Haddock said, getting up from the bed. “Oh no, no we’re not! Tintin’s just staying in my room while his is getting fixed. And he’s sleeping in a sleeping bag! On the floor!”

“…Like a sleepover?”

He touched the doorknob. “…Yes. Just like a sleepover! Now get your behind to bed.”

The door leaned forward. “No kiss goodnight?”

Haddock slapped himself. “Oh right…” He kissed her on the cheek before hugging her. “Good night, lassie.”

“Night Dad.” She faced Tintin, since lying down in bed with his back braced by pillows. “Night, carrot top.”

“Good night, Colleen.”

Haddock made sure to lock the door before retreating back to base. Tintin frowned.

“What’s the matter, lad? She just said good night to you.”

“I’m just staying in my room until we get it fixed, huh?”

“What was I supposed to say?”

“Colleen’s ten, not four. I’m sure she knows how two people in a room with one bed are usually connected, Captain. I think she has a very good idea at least of how close we are as friends. We need to talk to her in private.”

“Can we please do it after tomorrow? That’s all I ask, lad.” He pleaded. “Please.”

Tintin sighed. “Fine. The day after tomorrow then.”

Tintin dimmed his lamp. Haddock tried to lean over and kiss him, but Tintin pushed him back.

“Thundering typhoons, Tintin! You promised—“

“—Maybe tomorrow. Suddenly I’m not in the mood anymore. Ask me again and I’ll see who sleeps on the floor tonight.”

Haddock sighed as Tintin covered his head with this pillow. This was going to be a long night.


	8. Some Bonding Time with Daddy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did add a few Maine slangs I’ve found in regional slang websites. Pretty fun to write, though still weird to do so as well because I’m a born and raised southerner who’s never been to Maine in her life. It was either going to be Louisiana or Maine, and I chose the latter because Louisiana would’ve been too easy to write. The bayous are damn near a second home to me, dammit.

Being a Saturday afternoon in early June, children with and without their parents filled the ice cream shop. Several girls and a few boys waved at and greeted Colleen as she sat in a two seated table in the store’s left corner; she waved back, occasionally mumbling a “bonjour” as she tried to find her father, dressed in a tweed suit versus his usual pullover, among the crowd at the ordering counter. Others, mostly boys Colleen’s age, laughed, pointed at, and tried pulling at Suzie; Colleen’s glares scared them off. One boy ran away after such an encounter just when Captain Haddock returned to the table with a single scoop sugar cone and a hot fudge sundae in a glass bowl.

Colleen’s eyes widened at the sheer amount of chocolate used to create her sundae. Chocolate ice cream replacing the usual vanilla, a hot fudge flood flowing down all over the dairy treat, what appeared to be chocolate jimmies. The only item besides the ice-cream dunked spoon before her not even somewhat chocolatey was the cherry on top.

“Wow!” She said, scooping a chunk with her spoon. “They really have a sundae like that here?”

“Only because I requested it,” Haddock replied after licking melting ice cream from the cone’s side. “I assumed you would appreciate more chocolate. Was I right?”

“You bet!” She downed a few bites before asking “What flavor did you get?”

“Butter brickle. It was going to be either that or butter rum.”

“I bet that would be Mom’s favorite flavor, if she ever ate ice cream.”

“Which one? Butter brickle?”

“Butter rum.”

He paused halfway through a lick. “And why would you jump to that conclusion, lass?”

She clutched Suzie in her lap. “She loves to get drunk. It’s like her hobby or something, I think.” Haddock felt a drop of liquid ice cream hit his thumb as she continued, “Same thing goes for the men.”

He uneasily sucked air through his teeth, leaned forward. Hopefully she would get the signal and not blurt out for all to hear. They were in public. “…The men, Colleen?”

“Yeah, she pretty much has a boyfriend every month. Or, more like she had one, before she got too crazy and scared them all off. I don’t know how she found them because the town’s so small I know most of the people there. I only know you’re my dad because of the pictures. That, and my grandparents told me.”

“They know about me?” He leaned closer, until hot fudge transferred onto his beard. He attempted to rub the sticky chocolate goo from his hair with his hankerchief as he queried, “What did they say about me?”

“Mom always talked about an ‘Archie,’ but it wasn’t until a couple of months ago, after I found the scrapbook and moved in with them that I found out who ‘Archie’ was. They said, ’Well, I’ll be damned! Aggie’s lil’ ankle bitah looks just like that alkie Scottish bastard!’”

“They called me a what?!” Haddock shot from his chair, his ice cream clutched hand rising to the ceiling blocked heavens. “I am not a bastard! How dare those blubbering walruses say that about me without meeting me! Why, I oughta--”

Colleen looked around, red faced. When Haddock realized what he had just done, he only hoped that most of the people inside did not know much English.

“…Sorry,” He squeaked before sitting down. “No really. I’m terribly sorry for that. I didn’t mean to embarrass you and me like that.”

Colleen shrugged. “’Don’t blame ya. My grandparents always drive me crazy.”

Haddock grunted when he noticed ice cream dripping from the bottom of his cone. He sucked on that end before saying, “…What’s an alkie again?”

“A drunk. ‘Guess you met Mom at the pub?”

Haddock tilted his head. Colleen took that as a ‘yes.’

“Mom met men there all the time. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was what happened. Were you really an alkie, Dad?”

He sighed. “Yes.” Colleen stared. “But not anymore. I started drinking less after meeting Tintin.”

“Is that why Tintin lives with you? Maybe he could help my mom.”

“No, no. He’s just a friend. My best friend actually.”

“I wish I had friends like that,” she murmured. “So why does he want me to consider him family? He said that yesterday. Doesn’t he have one?”

A shake of the head. “Snowy is the closest he has. Until you came into my life, Colleen, I thought I was the only one left in my family as well. And the professor, and Nestor… Neither of them have any family left either. …Hmm. Why, now I’m thinking about it, Marlinspike is becoming a shelter for the… family-less. We’re all the closest each other has to a family. Maybe you can consider them all uncles if you find it too weird…”

“‘Kay… Say, Dad. What was Mom like before she had me?”

“Uh… It’s been so long, I don’t remember much. Nice, I guess. A bit rough around the edges, but nice… I guess.”

“Yeah, Mom’s nice when she wasn’t drunk around men, or trying to…” Colleen looked down at her lap, then frantically ate her melting ice cream.

“Colleen? What’s wrong?”

Colleen glared, but the tears brimming her eyes and the trembling mouth told all. Under that trademark Haddock stubbornness was a scared little girl. And one that probably needed a hug at that.

Haddock got up. The girl felt her father’s strong embrace from behind her. “It’s alright. I must be messing up our day together. I’m so sorry for doing so, lassie. Just tell me whenever you’re ready.” He kissed her cheek before returning to his chair. Colleen muttered an okay.

“At least I’m living with you from now on, right?”

“If we can get your grandparents to hand over custody, of course.”

“Oh, trust me. They’ll let you have me. I’m sure they’re more than happy to let you ‘take care of your own damn bastard.’” Colleen gorged on more ice cream, obviously down.

“You rea—“ Control somehow trumped over impulse. Maybe she did not know that Tintin read the letter to him yet. “Don’t worry about that. You’re not a bastard to me. I’ll more than gladly give you my name when I have you in my custody. And if your grandparents give me any grief, Tintin and I will make sure they never mess with any of us again. I can promise you that much, Colleen!

“Then when that happens, we will make you a Belgian citizen, enroll you into school once you know enough French, get you your own room—“

“I thought I had my own room already!”

“That’s actually the third floor guest room. Hmm… Tintin’s not using his room anymore. We can always give you h—“

“I thought you were fixing up his room.”

“He… decided he didn’t want the one on the second floor after all. He’ll be using the ground floor one.”

“Oh… So why was he in your bed with you yesterday?”

“Pardon?”

“You said he was sleeping on the floor,” Colleen said. “Why was he in the bed yesterday, then?”

“…The sleeping bag ripped. It was really old. It needed a replacement for a long while. He’s probably purchasing a new one as we speak.”

“…’Kay. I just hope he’s comfortable. Sleeping on the floor all the time sounds like it would stink.”

Haddock watched as she resumed eating. His stomach churned.

“I’m sure it would.”

A silence between the two prompted Haddock to break the ice with:

“Say, Ripley’s is about weird facts, right? How about you tell me a couple?”

8888

An enrobed Haddock closed the door behind him after Tintin and he wished Colleen a good night’s sleep.

“Are you wide awake too, lad?” He asked.

“Why yes, I am, Captain.” Tintin, body already buried in sheets, said. “I believe I know the best way to tire us out. Do you?”

“Ha! You’re giving me too little credit if you think I don’t!” He removed his robe, exposing his boxers. He got onto the bed, crawled over to Tintin. When he reached Tintin’s right side, Tintin cupped his chin and kissed him.

“Would you prefer the light on or off tonight?” His left arm dangled towards the brass lamp on his nightstand.

“On. I think I’m in a seeing everything mood at the moment.”

“Very well. Your wish is my command.” Tintin readjusted himself, kicking off his covers to expose he was only wearing boxers as well. used both arms to wrap them around Haddock’s strong, sinew-strewn body. His arms anchored him against the warm, hairy chest as they kissed, whereas Haddock took the advantage to explore Tintin’s back, from under the underarms down.

As Haddock’s hands tugged Tintin’s boxer elastic, Colleen opened the door whilst rubbing an eye and adjusting her undershirt.

“Hey Dad, I’ve got a que… “ Her eyes widened. “HEY! What’s going on?”


	9. Got Some 'Splaining to Do

Tintin and Haddock still clutched each other as they faced the girl just inside their bedroom.

“Colleen!” Haddock said, tomato red. “When did you—“

“You lied to me!” Colleen cried. “Both of you! It’s not New Year’s and you guys are sleeping in the same bed! Why did you lie? Tell me!”

Tintin tugged away from Haddock’s grasp. “It… We can… It’s not what it looks like, Colleen!”

Colleen, standing erect with her limbs straight against her sides, stomped. “What do you think I am, carrot top? Even a moron can tell you two were hugging and kissing! Mom and her boyfriends did that all the time! I don’t lie to you, so I think I deserve the truth from my own dad! So tell me right now what’s going on! Is Tintin really your best friend or what, Dad?”

Haddock’s jaw dropped and his adrenaline surged through his body. He looked first at the standing girl, then at the redhead beside him. His eyes further revealed his fear, as did Tintin’s.

“Just tell the truth,” Tintin mouthed.

Haddock sighed, breathed through his nose once. “Well… Yes. But he’s... Blistering barnacles, this is hard to explain!” He hit the side of his head with a palm.

“What he means, Colleen,” Tintin said, lowering a hand towards Haddock’s and squeezing it, “Is that I am not only his best friend but I am also his… boyfriend.”

His heart must’ve skipped a beat. Even after three years together as such the word still felt weird to say aloud for Tintin. He turned to Colleen to gauge the girl’s reaction. The captain squeezed his hand tighter, like a python constricting its prey.

Colleen appeared to soften somewhat. Haddock’s grip loosened as well. She tilted her head to the right. “Like Mom’s boyfriends?”

Tintin nodded. A slight smile accompanied it.

She tilted her head to the left. “Does Dad also have a girlfriend?”

Tintin shook his head. Then he turned to Haddock. “Correct?”

“Correct…”

She scratched her head. “I don’t get it.”

“You don’t get what, Colleen?”

“Why don’t you also have a girlfriend, Dad?”

Tintin and Colleen both faced him. The captain squeezed the lad’s hand before clearing his throat.

Haddock’s throat was dry, his voice crackly. “Well you see, lassie… Sometimes a man and a woman meet and come together. Or sometimes it’s a man and a man, or a woman and a woman… It’s all about the same, really…”

Colleen clutched her head. She grunted. “I really don’t get what you’re talking about. Why do they come together?”

Haddock grunted. “I told you I was horrible at explaining things like this how many times, Tintin?”

The redhead sighed. “When two people come together, Colleen, it’s because they’re in love. The most obvious example for you would be for a man and woman. When a man and a woman fall in love they’ll possibly marry or have children. Are you getting this so far?”

“Yep, I think so.”

“But sometimes two people fall and love and it’s not a man and a woman. It’s either two men or two women. They can’t get married or have children but they still love each other and stay together because they’re happy with each other. Just like the man and woman. And that’s what your father and I are, Colleen—we’re… in love with each other.”

He adjusted his tingling legs, allowing his left to dangle, and slid backward into a proper sitting position. 

She shrugged. “Cool. Weird, but cool. But… if he only has a boyfriend… Dad doesn’t love Mom?”

“Now what makes you assume that?” Haddock asked.

“Is that why you never came home? You were with Tintin the whole time?”

Haddock leaned closer to “Colleen, let me have some time to explain—“

The girl evidently jumped to a conclusion on her own, if her wide eyes, gasp, and hand over mouth meant anything.

“Oh my gosh…” Her eyes grew increasingly wet. Her legs quivered. “They were right…”

She retreated into the hall. A door slam followed suit.

Haddock jumped off the bed without bothering to cover up.

“Colleen? Colleen! Come back! Let me talk to you!”

Tintin took the care in cloaking himself before catching up with the captain, standing outside the guest room.

“Colleen?” He said with a knock. “Please, lass! Do let me—“

“Leave me alone!” She cried through the other side. “I wanna be alone!”

Haddock raised his arm for another knock. “Plea—“

“Captain,” Tintin said, grabbing the limb. “Do as she says and leave her alone!”

“But Tintin, what if she—“

“Give her some space! We’ll find out what she’s upset about tomorrow! But for now, let her think it over on her own.” He tugged his arm. “Come on, Captain…”

As the two walked away Haddock turned his head. He called, “Colleen, I—“

“Not another word, Captain.”

“But—“

Tintin, still walking, faced him. “I’m just trying to be cautious, Captain. I’m… as afraid as you are.”

Tintin entered the bedroom after freeing Haddock’s arm. The captain’s eyes brimmed with fears and tears while staring down the hallway.

“Goodnight, lassie,” he whispered before banishing a tear from his cheek, before entering the room where the whole mess began.

9999

Colleen awoke the next morning to a couple of light knocks on her door. She grumbled as she stirred her face away from her tear stained pillow, wiggled her summer morning sticky legs.

“It’s me, Colleen!” Tintin’s mumbled voice said. “Please let me in!”

“No…” That first response came in a broken whisper she was positive no one else could hear, so she cleared her throat and cried out louder, “No! I won’t let you!”

“Would you let your father in?”

“Is he with you?”

“No… He’s still asleep. Everyone else is asleep too. Even Nestor.”

“I’m still not letting you in.”

“Why not?”

“You ruined everything!” 

“How did I ruin everything, Colleen? Tell me!”

Colleen froze.

“Colleen… Please tell me what I did wrong. Maybe I can fix it. Maybe your father and I can fix it. But I just want to make whatever is wrong in your eyes right.”

The door slowly opened. Her wavy hair tangled all about her head and Suzie’s head, cradled in her arms, required a good brushing as well, but it was Colleen all the same.

“You don’t seem to get it, do you?”

Tintin raised a brow. “Get what?”

“That you’re the reason why Dad never came home?”

“Colleen… I didn’t meet your father until long after you were born. He told me that he left Maine because his work contract expired. He did not even know your mother even had you until you came into our lives.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Mom never wrote him about me?”

“Er…” He shook his head. “Never.”

She looked at her petite feet. “If Mom never wrote him then she didn’t really care after all… Grandpa and Grandma were right then…”

“What were they right about?”

“That I wasn’t created out of love. And since I wasn’t created out of love then no one really loves me…” She sniffed hard.

Tintin lowered to his knees. “They really said that?”

She nodded. A tear drop made impact with her right foot.

He placed a hand on her shoulder. She tilted her head up, her eyes just below Tintin’s line of sight. “That’s absolutely, positively not true Colleen. And I am so sorry that your grandparents fed you that lie. You are loved. I’m sure your mother loves you and that your father loves you. I’m positive that everyone else here loves you too. I saw the way the professor offered you breakfast when he first met you. He’s not related to you but he cared enough to ask if you wanted something. Nestor bought you that chocolate spread you love without you asking for it. Snowy always wants to play with you, and I want to make sure you will prosper here in Belgium. Why else would I be trying to help you learn French if that wasn’t the case? You are loved, Colleen, and you deserve all of it. Don’t ever doubt that again.”

Colleen finally faced him. She sniffed as tears ran down her cheeks. Slowly her mouth began to twist upwards.

“I never thought of it like that. Thanks so much, Tintin!” She leaned forward and gave him a bear hug. Suzie hit against his robe covered back, and it tapped along as she sniffed several times more.

He could not help but smile as well. He sensed his face warming up. “I’m only speaking the truth, Colleen.”

“Hmm…” She let go. “Say carrot top… Can we wake Dad up?”

“Well…”

“Oh! Let’s make him breakfast in bed first! Think he’ll like that?”

Even a grouchy old ex-captain would approve of a food offering. “I’m positive he’ll love it. Especially coming from you.”

…

Tintin shook Haddock’s shoulder. “Captain. Captain! Wake up!”

Haddock tossed and turned, grumbling something in his sleep.

Colleen struggled to hold the food stuffed platter. “Dad! Wake up before I spill the food!”

He jumped up, still half-asleep. Tintin himself jumped away in fright.

“Colleen!” He turned his head left, then right. “Are you…”

He spotted her at the bed’s foot. He rubbed his eyes, awoke to near capacity. “Colleen?”

“Morning, Daddy! I hope you want some grub!”

Colleen grunted as she brought the jiggling tray to her father’s lap. Orange juice had splashed out onto the now soggy toast, the scrambled eggs were too runny for his liking, and overcooking reduced the bacon to near charcoal.

“I made it myself!” Colleen beamed.

“Tintin, what is—“

“Aren’t you gonna eat it, Daddy?” Colleen’s eyes were wider than usual, enlarging into puppy dog eyes.

Haddock promptly grabbed his toast (which broke in half just from waterlogged juice) and took a sodden bite. He chewed and swallowed quickly before devouring everything else and trying not to gag. Whatever Tintin, the ginger rascal, did to make Colleen understand and make amends with them after last night clearly worked. Damned if he was going to screw it all back up.

He swallowed his final bacon strip when Colleen asked, “How was it?”

“…Good. No, excellent! Was that your first time ever cooking, lassie?”

Colleen nodded.

“And you did it for me?”

“Of course! I love you, Daddy! I’m sorry if I made you not feel that way.”

Haddock placed the tray on Tintin’s side. “Oh, come here! I wanna give you a hug!”

He felt the food pushing back up his throat as he hugged his extremely happy child. “Now how about you go get dressed and meet everyone else downstairs? Tintin and I will catch up in a few minutes.”

She sighed. “Okay…” She hopped off.

“Love you, Colleen!”

She paused, turned to face him. Even with her tears there was a smile on her face. When she disappeared from sight, Haddock left the bed, started moving towards the bathroom. Tintin moved towards his side to pick up the tray.

“So what turned out to be the problem, lad?”

“I’ll explain it to you in a moment. Which I think you need because you’re turning green.”

The door slammed, leaving a creak open as Haddock threw up the toilet lid.

“Remind me to lock the door and we’ll have a hell of a time tonight!” He declared between retches.


	10. Life in the Fish Tank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: These next few chapters will be filler up until the second half of the main story. I don't know. It just seems really sloppy to go straight from "o hai Colleen sry you saw us but guess what we're GAY!" to "o yeah custody stuff… we forgot about that…" Sorry.

Chapter Ten: Life in the Fish Tank

10101010

Dear Chang,

I hope this letter finds you as kindly as you were when I last heard from you. I wish you all the best as you begin your studies at Samuel Merritt next month. How exciting it sounds, studying to become a physical therapist! Amazing! I never attended university but if I did I doubt I would've selected such an ambitious program! Considering how few I've encountered during my many hospital visits, the world gravely needs and will welcome any worthy additions. And trust me, my old friend—you are certainly worthy.

As for me? Recently a child has come into Captain Haddock's and my lives. It's not just any child either; it turns out the little girl is the Captain's long lost daughter. I do not doubt her paternity for a moment-I've enclosed a photo of Captain and her together so that you can compare them yourself.

…

For what feels to be the millionth time I must thank you for being one of a special tolerant few about my "lifestyle." Since Colleen entered our lives telling her had been a grave concern of mine. It has been a week since she discovered that her father and I are lovers. (How she discovered I'd rather not divulge now because the embarrassment is still too fresh.) Fortunately she appears to have adjusted easily to the news. This is excellent, considering that Captain and I desire custody. Captain Haddock will file by himself because he is the biological father; I will simply be a witness to avoid any potential scandal of two males vying for child custody. We will need to apply for a visa for her to legally stay in Belgium by a month's time so that everything is kept tidy. That will happen soon, once my detective friends return us her passport. They keep forgetting about it and leaving it in their flat every time we bump into them. We will receive it soon. Trust me. But for now, I am just glad to be "dad's boyfriend" or even—

"Morning, carrot top!"

Tintin ceased typing. He cracked his knuckles before facing the smiling girl carrying Suzie and a sheet of paper.

"Hello there, Colleen! Are you done with tes devoirs?"

"Yep!"

Tintin cupped his ear, leaning towards her. "What was that?"

Colleen blinked. Then she remembered she was still "in class." She mumbled something. "Oui, Professeur Tintin."

She handed her assignment to her teacher. Tintin nodded his head before exclaiming, "Excellent! Your tens to cent all are spelled correctly! Very good!"

"Are we done with numbers yet?" She groaned. "Or is there more? I know there's more to French than quatre-vingt and quatre-vingt-dix!"

"No, that's it with numbers for now. Tomorrow we will begin with… um… How about talking about yourself? Until then, you can go play."

He reread the last lines, refreshing his memory about where his letter stopped. His fingers slid playfully along the keys, pressing so lightly they did not tap haphazard letters onto page, before detecting wavy black hair swallowing his shoulder.

"What'cha writing?"

"A letter to Chang. Now may I please finish it in privacy?"

"You promised we could watch a movie on the TV today."

"We will. Just not right this moment. Tonight after dinner will be more ideal."

A finger point. "Hey, what are you writing my name for?"

"Colleen," Tintin said, fighting to not sound peeved, "I'm not saying anything nasty about you if that's what you're concerned about. Let me be now! Post to California will already take two weeks, and I must finish this soon! How about you see what your father is doing? He must be lonely."

"You aren't?" She sighed in relief. "Good! Yeah, he must be. I almost never see him without you. It's like you two are stuck like glue… "

Colleen found Haddock not reading a newspaper in a sitting room as she initially assumed. She instead located him napping on the sofa in what she assumed was the living room, because living rooms were always the ones with televisions or radios back home. She shook about his shoulder, asking her snoring father to wake up. When that did not work, she walked over to the television and turned it on.

Haddock sputtered the moment a religious show turned on. The baby blue blanket covering him dropped to the floor as he moved about. Before Colleen could switch to the other channel, he blurted half-asleep:

"Blister'n barn'cle, Colleen, let me sleep."

"But it's two in the afternoon!"

His eyes still shut, he continued, "Sunday is day of rest. Let me rest. You go rest."

"Nah, I'd rather go play with someone."

"Go play with Snowy, or the cat."

"We have a cat?" The whole time she was there she did not recall sighting a cat.

"Yeah, it's… somewhere, I don't know where. There's entire boxes crammed with monocles in the attic—go use those as Frisbees or somethin'. Just don't step on the glass when you're done…"

"Uh…" She shrugged. "See ya, Dad."

Colleen skipped the broken step just as she heard her father call, "DON'T TOUCH THE MONOCLES!"

"Don't worry, Dad! I wasn't gonna!" I just want to find that cat…

Considering how often she encountered the cat, she thought that perhaps a canine nose would be useful in locating it.

"Oh, come on!" She yelled as she was unable to stir Snowy from his human bed nap in Tintin and her father's room.

The dog kicked a hind leg in his sleep. She sighed before turning around.

"Looks like it's just you and me, Suzie," she said.

First she checked the attic. She opened all the trunks and boxes, finding old things from every current Marlinspike resident (including the previously mentioned monocle boxes), but no cat. Then the third floor, skipping the bedrooms but not anything else. She even checked the linen closet just in case. But no cat.

She did not skip Professor Calculus's bedroom or Nestor's when she reached the second floor, but she also moved in and out quickly so that no one caught her there. Not that there was anything incriminating in either room—just literal dirty laundry at the worst. She skipped the little office Tintin typed in and made her way from room to room, from one side to the other.

She shuffled through the last room on the right in the right side of the second floor hall when she heard something stir. Colleen lifted up a sheet covering an old dresser, jumping when a brown mouse leaped over her shoulder onto the floor. As if a mouse wasn't enough excitement, a Siamese cat brushed against her leg in pursuit. She shrieked, recollected herself before grasping what just happened.

"Hey, kitty! Come back!" The girl cried, leaving the door open.

She found the cat pawing at a crack in a wall on the left side of the hallway, towards the stairs.

"There you are! I've been looking for you!" The cat did not deign her a sign it recognized her presence—not even a ear twitch… until it heard clicking sounds from behind it.

The cat meowed as the smiling girl rubbed her hand about the back of its head. "Aww, you're so cute! I wonder why I've never seen you…"

She continued petting it. To her satisfaction, the cat purred. She transitioned from rubbing its back to scratching an ear. She whispered a song from a movie she saw ages ago, when her mother was still for the most part well.

"We are Siamese if you please…"

Now she tried rubbing its bottom jaw.

"We are Siamese if you don't ple—aaahhh!"

Colleen bit her tongue to keep herself from screaming bloody murder as she fled towards Tintin's office.

…

Nestor applied disinfectant on her filleted palm.

"Ow!" Colleen jumped from her spot on the counter.

"Easy, Miss Colleen…"

Haddock rubbed sandman's dust from his eyes. "What happened again, lassie?"

"She was bitten by the cat." Tintin, as did Haddock, leaned against the table, only he crossed his arms.

"What about a bat?" Calculus asked, closing the door behind him, placing his umbrella in the appropriate bucket. "Oh, what's going on with Maureen? Is she alright?"

"Collee—OW!" Nestor wrapped gauze around her palm.

"Almost done…"

"What were you doing with the cat Colleen? Why did it bite you?" Tintin asked.

"I just petted it! On the back, around the ears, under its mouth…"

"A bat bit her?! Good heavens!"

"Ah! That's why! Animals don't like it under the jaw! The cat is reclusive but if it didn't bite you until you did that then it probably just felt threatened."

"You may go, Miss Colleen."

She slid down the counter. "Thanks, Nestor."

"It was my pleasure."

"What are you doing? We need to go to the hospital!"

Haddock rubbed his eye. "CAT! C-A-T! CAT! As in, meow!"

Colleen giggled. "You sound so silly when you do that, Dad… Say Tintin—"

"Sure, you can have Suzie back." Tintin turned around and handed the head to her. He shuddered.

"Colleen…"

She hugged the toy against her chest.

"I know that you love Suzie but the fact she's just a head now really creeps me out."

"But I just can't get rid of her! She's my friend! I wouldn't just throw out Snowy if he was torn apart!"

Tintin's face bleached. He clasped his face, appeared faint.

Haddock faced him. "You okay, lad?"

"Now what is this fuss about?" Calculus asked, wedging himself by a departing Nestor. "My word! That doll does not have a body!"

"Where have you been, Cuthbert? It's been body less for over a week!"

"Meek? Not so in my view! Morbid is more appropriate if you ask me, my sea faring friend…"

Colleen grunted. "I get it! Suzie has no body! Now can you guys quit pointing it out? Hey!"

Calculus snatched Suzie away from her arm, holding the doll by her blond hair.

"What are you doing?! Give her back!"

The professor lifted the doll higher, away from the jumping girl. "Now just give me a moment…" He appeared to inspect the hollow neck.

"Professor," Tintin said, "Don't throw the doll away! It only needs a body!" He pointed all about his own body.

"Not to worry, darling!" He patted the frustrated girl's head. "Your dollie just needs a body! I'll have it back to you soon!"

Tintin grabbed Colleen by the hand so that the professor had the chance to leave.

"The mad scientist kidnapped Suzie!"

"He did not! He's just going to fix her!"

She groaned. "I hope he gives her back soon…"

"Hmm… Oh, how about you turn the television on and see if something good is on? We can see how many words you can understand without us translating!"

"…Only if it isn't that mime show… Even I can understand that. Let me check…"

The door whacked against the wall. Tintin looked at Daddy Haddock.

"Hey, um, Captain… Before we join her, I need to show you something…" He lowered his hands towards his bell bottoms.

Haddock's eyes lit up. "Is it what I think it's going to be?"

"Keep your trousers on…" Both hands fished for any possible contents. He removed a stamped envelope from his left pocket. "I don't know how none of us came across this until now. But it's important…"

Tintin winced. Haddock opened the letter, read it. His eyes widened the longer he did.

"Oh no. Oh no no no no… Thundering typhoons, why him?!"


	11. A Birthday Better Off Ignored, Part One

The door to Colleen's temporary bedroom opened. A pink dress still on its hanger flew across the room and landed into an unshapely mass on the edge of the bed.

"Ow!"

Haddock pushed his daughter, still wearing her undergarments, into the room. "Get dressed—now."

"But why this?" She picked it up. "Can't I just wear what I usually do?"

He clutched his temple, adjusted his tie. "Don't fight with me today! Please. Just put that on! And quickly! He'll come any moment now!"

"Who? The cockroach vampire guy?"

"The what? What in blue blistering barnacles are you talking-" He blinked. "No, not him. Someone even worse." Haddock chewed on his nails as he dashed downstairs to unite with Tintin.

Colleen hmm'ed. Who could possibly be worse than cockroach vampire insurance salesmen?

She attempted to think of who would fit the description, but aside from her grandparents she could brainstorm none. She shuddered at the thought of them coming, and with Suzie absent at that, as she adjusted a puffy, petal pink sleeve.

Then she tripped over the broken step, because absent-mindedness made her forget all about it.

"Colleen!" She felt her father pick her up. "Are you alright, lassie?"

The girl rubbed her sore knees. "Yeah, I'm fine… Now can you two tell me what's going on?"

"No time!" Tintin said, clutching a ladder. Nestor, standing behind him, held a large paper bag. For some reason all the men wore suits. They left the front entrance open as Tintin and Nestor disappeared into the kitchen, towards the "proper" dining room. Not even a minute passed before Tintin returned.

"What are you doing, Captain?" Tintin asked. Although clearly distraught, he kept a calmer demeanor than Daddy Haddock did. "We need to finish as much as possible!"

"Thundering-!" He accompanied Tintin outside. "I swear! That self-entitled spoiled brat, thinking he can just come without giving us a chance to state our opinions first!..."

So that eliminated her grandparents. Colleen sighed with relief. She fixed her clothes where they buried into the wrong areas before sitting down on the broken step right next to the missing part that made come to be called the broken step.

The phone rang in the kitchen. She decided to let Nestor get it.

Haddock and Tintin, meanwhile, began their next trip to the car trunk. The captain grabbed the last paper bag from the trunk with one hand, moved it behind him, and let go. The bag dropped to the ground with a thud. Haddock twisted. Cracked egg oozed out of the carton, soaking the bottom, while Tintin faced the driveway.

"Blue barnacles in a thundering typhoon! There goes the cake! Tintin!" Haddock snapped, "Why didn't you—"

Tintin, still facing away, placed a finger in front of his face. Haddock shut his mouth.

The ginger tilted his face. "Do you hear that? It's another car."

Haddock gulped. "You think it's—"

An uneasy nod. "Let's get inside."

They did not have to wait long for their guest's arrival. Tintin just finished coaxing Snowy into wearing a red party hat that matched his master's when someone rang the doorbell repeatedly and rhythmically so that it played a tune. Tintin picked up his dog, Haddock pulled Colleen up by the arm, and a green hat wearing Nestor silently stepped towards the door. The throng assembled by the staircase saw the butler inhale and exhale deeply before turning the handle.

Colleen frowned. She expected an old, wrinkly man, perhaps one that resembled the hosts she saw on the covers of various horror comics back home. Instead, it was a little Middle Eastern boy in a black, British boarding school uniform and with what appeared a large red washcloth on his head, perhaps younger than her. Granted, he was surrounded by older men wearing loose pajamas and hats that looked even stupider than the yellow one on her head, but he did not appear all that intimidating at all. What a disappointment.

The boy grinned. "Blistering Barnacles! Tintin! I'm so glad to see you!"

"Hello, Abdullah," Haddock forced out.

"Happy birthday," Tintin said.

"Thank you. I'm turning thirteen!" He motioned his bodyguards to move aside. "Which means I am now a man! And since I decided years ago that when I turned thirteen I would celebrate it with the best men I know besides my papa, here I am!"

Haddock adjusted the elastic on his blue hat. "The best? Really? Tintin and I are the best?"

"Yes! Though I was expecting a nice welcome banner, you two are still the best."

"Aww, you are such a sweet lad! Here! Give me a hug!"

Tintin freed Snowy, who promptly fled upstairs. "Captain—"

"Oh come on! Perhaps we were too hard on a six-year-old b—Yipe!" He yanked away from the laughing teenager, rubbed his joy buzzer buzzed back. "You little—"

"Oh yeah, I forgot to ask: Who's this?" Abdullah pointed at Colleen.

"My daughter," Haddock growled.

"Blistering Barnacles, Junior?" Abdullah smirked. He turned to his bodyguards, who had since been allowed inside by Nestor. "One of you, bring me a flower. She's cute. I like her."

"A flower?" Colleen asked. "What type of flower? A daisy? A rose?"

"Oh, you'll see… It's a special flower!"

"Oh no! I'm not letting you trick my little girl! Tintin, pull her away from him." He clutched Abdullah's lapel and jerked him towards him. "Listen, little boy. I know you love pulling jokes, but if you can't resist pranking someone, don't you dare target Colleen! You're one speck of sneeze powder, one whoopee cushion, one ink gun, one water flower, one whatever I missed naming away from a whooping if you do that! And I don't care if it's your birthday! Understand?"

Abdullah's nose wrinkled at Haddock's morning breath. "Yes, but—"

"Your flower, Your Highness," a servant forwarded. Abdullah reached, but so did Haddock. The captain then promptly crushed it in his hand.

"Hmm… Odd… It didn't squirt a drop!" He commented, staring at the squashed specimen. He released Abdullah mid-observation.

"That's because, infidel, it was a real flower! Do you know how much my father spent on that jasmine bouquet for my birthday? I ought to have you flogged!"

"What's flogged mean?" Colleen looked up to the redhead thesaurus behind her.

Tintin chuckled nervously. "You know what, Colleen? How about you go to your bedroom for a moment?" He pushed her back.

"Okay! Okay! I'll go…"

"Oh no! A flogging shouldn't be in order!" Tintin said. "You have to understand Captain was just being protective of his 'little lambkin,' Abdullah. But he is correct—try not to pull any more tricks. Got that?"

"Really? No pranks?" He turned his head towards Haddock, then Tintin.

Both men nodded.

Abdullah pouted. "Fine, no practical joking… So what birthday party do you have planned for me today?"

"We're not spoiling anything! Come into the parlor with us! Follow me!"

Do something with the bodyguards, Tintin mouthed to the captain before moving away with Khemed's prince.

"Um…" Haddock blinked. The foursome stood erect and alert. "Go… somewhere. The state room, one of the sitting rooms, play with Abdullah in the parlor… Um… There's a pool out back… Just don't make a huge… mess…"

The men blinked, then collectively walked to the room to the staircase's right.

Haddock took a couple steps forward. "Oh, and don't forget to put on party hats!"

"Can I come down now?" Colleen called.

"Sure! I just don't want you alone with Abdullah!"

Nestor blocked Haddock from entering the parlor.

"I have something I need to tell you, Master Haddock."

"Is it urgent?"

"Yes. You see, sir, we received a telephone call this morning."

"Uh-huh… And?"

Colleen and Snowy reached the downstairs landing. The dog held his chewed up party hat as he tiptoed.

Nestor waved before resuming his conversation. "It appears we have more guests coming today?"

"Today? Without RSVP-ing with me?" He groaned. "And who are these pigeon toed spoiled sports?"

The doorbell chimed. Everyone in the foyer heard children calling out and fighting each other outside.

"Blistering barnacles! Did Abdullah invite his entire school?"

Nestor shook his head. "Oh no, Master Haddock…"

"I'll get it!"

"Colleen? No! Colleen, get into the parlor and let Nestor—Colleen!"

"We don't want you!" Colleen slammed the door.

"Blistering barnacles Colleen!" He tugged her away to the parlor. "Don't do that again! That's very rude!"

"But Dad—"

"Uh-uh! No more! Now go play a board game or whatever Tintin planned."

"But Dad—"

"What?"

Colleen faced the door. Haddock copycatted her just as Nestor set the front doors ajar once again.

Captain Haddock's jaw dropped. "Blistering barnacles! Are you kidding me?!"


	12. A Birthday Better Off Ignored, Part Two

Kids. All Haddock could see were kids. Babies, toddlers, young school children, children Colleen's age, teenagers, university students. And on top of that, all were crying, or yelling, or fighting, or some combination of the three. No, it was not Abdullah's classmates. But it was a whole another type of kid tribe, and one he had seen before. Same black hair, same skin tone, similar facial and skeletal features. All of these children were related, and he knew precisely who sired them all.

One of the university students, a bespectacled male with short gelled hair and a gray suit and black tie, noticed the shocked, fingernail biting captain holding the open door. He pointed and said something Captain Haddock could not hear from the distance and shouting. Like a flock of dodos the entire tribe simultaneously hushed and cocked their heads forward. Then they dashed towards the doors so fast Haddock had no chance to slam the door.

The next several seconds past in a blur of kids dashing by and feet of varying sizes stomping about his feet. Haddock cried out in pain, unsure of which foot needed to be held onto first, before finally giving up on caring. He squeaked in pain and clumsily raised a crunched foot forward.

By now all the kids crowded around Nestor. The butler appeared somewhat overwhelmed, yet somehow able to not lose control as little hands tugged about on his white clothes. A little boy, one half of a set of coral overall wearing twins, jumped at Nestor's hat. Haddock tried to count the number of kids swamping the poor butler just to get an idea of how many more guests he was dealing with. He lost count at seven. Ish.

He added three more definite guests to his tally when a voice made him jump with fright and lingering pain.

"Good morning Captain!" Jolyon said, wearing his usual purple suit. Behind him was his wife, wearing the same floral hat and a sea blue maternity muumuu and an old lady in a squeaking wheelchair. "I hope you don't mind me and my little brood coming over right now! I compared everyone's schedules and I said, 'Jolyon,' I said, 'gosh Jolyon this time will be the only time everyone is around to meet Captain Haddock's little flower for the first time!' Now where is sh—Ooh, are you having a party right now?" He flicked a finger against Haddock's hat. Haddock gnashed his teeth.

"Is it for us? We just love parties! Don't we, honey?" He turned to his nodding wife. A plastic white daisy fell to the ground. "Why, my Uncle Anatole, he used to throw the greatest fetes! Oh, you should've seen them! They were—"

Nestor silently raised a hand between the two fathers. "Why keep the conversation here, Mister Wagg? You and Master Haddock may resume in the parlor, where everyone else is in."

Haddock was unsure whether to thank Nestor for interrupting. He did not realize until then that the foyer was calm again. Nestor helped wheel Grandma Wagg along while Haddock opened the door. Jolyon pushed the captain's hand off and caught the flap with his own.

"Aw, you shouldn't have Captain! Let me go after you; you are the host!"

"Um…" Haddock placed his hands in his pockets, was unsure yet again what to feel. "…Thanks…"

The parlor was not the largest room in Marlinspike, but it was suitable for light company, perhaps a small cocktail night. Now with an ever increasing number of guests inside Haddock was surprised it was not can of sardines tight in there. Jolyon spawn swarmed the area whilst Tintin scrambled to find other games to play. Abdullah pouted and leaned against a corner, surrounded by two guards. Colleen stood in the opposite corner, clutching Snowy like she would Suzie (if the doll still had a body). She suddenly dashed towards her father in the chaos. Snowy squirmed in her clutches.

"Why'd you let them in, Dad?" she asked.

He opened his mouth.

"Ab-Whatever his name is—"

"Abdullah—"

"Yeah, that! He's not happy. I'm not happy either. We just finally agreed I was gonna be Miss Scarlet and he was gonna be Mister Green and Tintin was gonna be Colonel Mustard when the insurance man's family came in and ruined everything!"

"They sure did! This is the worst birthday ever!" Abdullah stopped by Colleen's side with the two guards a yard or so behind him. Haddock pressed a palm against Colleen's shoulder, motioning her to take a step or two aside. The prince continued, "Blistering Barnacles, make them go! Banish them! I don't want them here!" He stomped his foot.

"Please sir," the stubby bearded guard on the left pleaded, clasping his hands. "Do make our master's son happy. It is such an important day for him!"

The guard on the right, the one with a beard that reached down to the edge of his neck, concurred with a head nod.

"Okay, everyone!" Tintin called out and clapped. His words somehow had not completely drowned out amongst the throng's clamor. "Settle down, settle down…" Somehow everyone shut up and faced him.

Tintin forced a grin, adjusted his tie. His hands were behind his back. "I'm afraid we don't have enough board games for everyone to play. But, I did manage to find these," he revealed a stack of playing card sets with the cardboard containers beat up and crackling apart. "Does anyone know a card game?"

"Poker!" A kid, presumably a pre-pubescent male, squeaked.

Tintin blushed. "Poker? Uh… No, I'd rather us not play poker right now."

"I wanna learn how to play poker!"

The room rocked with kids squawking in concurrence like a flock of seagulls.

Another boy, one about Colleen's age and wearing a white collared shirt with brown shorts and suspenders, stepped towards Tintin.

"I know another game!" He said.

"Oh, you do?" Tintin smiled.

"Yeah!" The boy snatched all five decks from Tintin's grasp. "Fifty-two pick up!"

Cards flew everywhere, spraying about the air like confetti on New Year's Day. Kids scattered about grabbing the cards. Tintin retreated against a wall and slowly crept away from the chaos's center. The university aged kids, a boy and a girl, appeared to try to corral their younger sibings for the first time all day. Snowy howled. Colleen cried with a startle and accidentally dropped the dog while clasping her ears.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, Snowy!"

Abdullah cried out in frustration. He pulled at Haddock's suit coat. "Blistering Barnacles! They're taking all the attention from me!"

Jolyon stepped beside Haddock again. "Haha! Look at them! They're having the time of their lives!" He slapped the captain's back so hard a pop sound could be heard.

Tintin reached the overstuffed green leather sofa. He jumped away when a kid pounced at a card located on a burgundy decorative pillow to his right. Someone turned on the TV and shot the volume to full blast. In addition to screaming kids was the poorly tuned hellfire sermon of a Catholic priest.

"Hey! Turn that off!" Tintin cried to deaf ears. A leather bound book whished over his head and struck the wall behind him; his quiff quivered from the mini jet stream.

He felt someone tug on his brown coat. He released a sigh of relief when he faced Captain Haddock. "Come on, lad! Let's get out of here before they tear us apart!"

A jade green vase narrowly missed Haddock's head as the two scurried out the parlor. Tintin followed his partner into the dining room across from the room they just escaped from. The other refugees inside included Colleen, Abdullah, Snowy, and the two servant-guards instructed to follow Abdullah at all times. All sat in chairs situated next to the dining room table (except for Snowy, who was in Colleen's arms again).

The prince shoved a fist into the table. "This birthday has been the worst! Those spoil sports ruined everything!"

Stubby-bearded-guard patted the weeping boy's back. "There, there, your highness…"

"Captain, Jolyon's family is going to demolish Marlinspike if they don't leave now," Tintin said.

"I know, lad, I know…"

Abdullah wiped a tear away. "I could prank them." He sniffled. "That will teach them a lesson."

"A prank!" Haddock snapped. "A prank! Abdullah, that's—"

"Genius!" Tintin interrupted. "Abdullah, you're a genius!"

He grinned. "Yes, I certainly am a genius."

"Tintin!" Captain Haddock said, "Surely you can't be serious! How can a prank help us?"

"Captain, if we pull the right prank on them, then we can scare them away!" He clutched his chin. "Now the only trick is to figure out what that right prank is…"

"Maybe we can dress up as monsters," Colleen suggested.

Abdullah laughed. "Yeah, that's good! But you know what would be better?"

"Yeah?" Colleen asked.

Abdullah signaled everyone to circle him. "Come, and you'll find out…"

12121212

Tintin and Haddock stealthily crept into the parlor. They turned white at all the shattered glass and pottery everywhere. The television was still on full blast, and a dance record was on full blast as well. Some of the kids danced. Others fought or pounced on Nestor. The twins in coral overalls hopped up and down the leather sofa like a poor man's trampoline. A foot stamped a decorative pillow and feathers flew about. The parents, meanwhile, jovially conversed whilst Grandma knitted a cream baby bootie. The twosome leaned against the same wall Jolyon and his wife was against and waited.

They did not wait long. The two servants slammed the doors against the wall as they yelped and screamed into the room. Amazingly amongst the chaos everyone stopped and stared. A couple younger kids laughed, thinking grown men screaming was amusing. Everyone else but those kids and Tintin and Haddock stared with confusion and concern.

"A leopard!" Stubby screamed.

"There is a leopard in the hall!" Neck Length yelled.

"A leopard?" Jolyon guffawed. "Are you sure you aren't seeing things, my good s—"

A roar came from outside. Jolyon gulped. "Say, did you hear—"

Another roar. "I-it's from the telly. You're just hearing the TV. Yes, that's it! It's the—"

A leopard, eyes glazed and teeth bared, entered with a roar.

The entire Wagg clan screeched in horror. The leopard chased occupants about the room as family members scrambled to leave as quickly as possible. As their last screams resonated outside the home, laughter filled the parlor.

Abdullah and Colleen tossed the leopard skin aside.

"Well I'll be," Haddock said. "That actually worked!"

Tintin shut the television off. "Good thing we had a leopard skin in the state room!" He stepped towards the record player and reached towards the needle.

"Hey! What are you doing, Tintin?" Abdullah asked. "Let's dance! I wanna dance!"

"I thought you wanted to play Clu—"

"Board game later! Dancing now!"

He clutched Colleen's wrist. "Let's dance, Blistering Barnacles, Junior!"

"Col—"

Abdullah rhythmically shook. Colleen shrugged her shoulders and boogied along.

"Hey!" Haddock said, stepping closer to the two. "What did I tell you about—"

Tintin took Haddock's hand. "Relax, Captain. Let them have their fun. Come on, let's dance together."

"In front of everybody?"

Tintin smiled. "Look."

Haddock looked. Along with the Colleen and Abdullah pair, the guards began what the captain presumed was a traditional Khemed dance. Snowy panted and wagged his tail to the music. Even Nestor seemed about to start dancing, he could faintly see Professor Calculus outside, clutching a brown leather bag and his umbrella, "talking" to the butler.

The reporter lightly nudged. Haddock, without words, took Tintin's hand. Slowly they began a waltz, hand in hand. Despite the lively party music playing they slow danced. Haddock kept looking out from the corner of his eye, perpetually worried what everyone else would think, but no one else even looked at them. Eventually he kept his attention solely on his dancing partner, the love of his life, closed his eyes, and enjoyed the moment.


	13. Attempts to Keep Things Covert

"Why did Aba-er, Abdullah have to leave?" Colleen sighed at the kitchen table the next morning. She wore the usual outfit, whereas her father and Tintin reacted to the summer heat by dressing down-the former in a baby blue button up shirt and Tintin in a short sleeved, white polo. Instead of the cooling eggs and toast in front of her she gave her attention to the scrubby Mary Janes already on her feet, clacking them together again and again.

"You know why, lassie," Haddock said without looking away from the world news section of the previous day's edition of Le Soir. Tintin did not look as well, only because he was shaking the last contents of a large green dog food into a red bowl labeled with his salivating dog's name on it. "His father wanted to see him after he visited us for his birthday." The captain caught himself just before saying aloud "Good riddance" and turned the page.

"Yeah, but... But it was so fun with him here! He was so funny!"

The girl heard her father mutter, "Funny, yes... funny..." Colleen continued tapping her toes against each other and sighed again. Despite that her father did not appear to care much for the prince it really was enjoyable to bond with someone else around her age for once. A tad spoiled, yes. A boy (and an older one at that), yes. A boy with a name that was difficult to pronounce, yes. But it was company she had not truly had for months, more than ever after her grandparents withdrew her from school and attempted to homeschool her their conservative hogwash. Now that Abdullah was going back to wherever he came from (she forgot the name), she quickly grew lonesome for peer company again. Especially considering that Suzie was now gone and possibly being experimented on by-

"Professor Calculus!" Tintin said just when some kibble slid down the mountain in the bowl and onto his socked feet. "Good morning!"

The professor stepped inside wearing the usual oversized green coat and carrying the same brown leather bag he brought home the day before. He ignored Tintin's greeting, most likely from not hearing it in the first place. Instead of his usual seat across from Captain Haddock he instead sat beside him, the leather bag sitting on his lap like a child on Santa Claus's.

"Hey, Professor, that's not-"

"Good morning, Maureen!" He smiled and tapped his palm against the bag. Colleen did not have time to attempt to correct him-again-when he continued, "Now, you will have to forgive me sweetheart because I had this ready for you yesterday and yet I forgot about it in the midst of our festivities. It's a day late, but-"

Colleen gasped and squealed with delight after Calculus undid the buckles securing the bag and stuffed out Suzie by the head. And not just by the head. Silly Suzie was whole again, complete with a little lacy pink dress that hid her round little belly and stopped right above her bare feet.

"SUZIE!" Colleen yanked the doll from the satisfied professor's grasp and clutched her against her little chest. "Oh my gosh, it's Suzie! You didn't hurt her!"

"...Why would I want to squirt her, my dear child?" Calculus scratched behind an ear, appeared clueless otherwise.

Haddock quit reading the paper to witness the reunion. He couldn't help but smile at how happy his daughter was at having her favorite toy back. Looking at Tintin, he could see the redhead smiling too. He had seen Colleen satisfied before, but this time she appeared close to bursting apart from all the mirth exuding from within her, like as if she reconnected with a long lost family member. In a way, that made sense, because even during the brief period his daughter had come into his life, her doll became a familiar figure as well. Wouldn't it make sense that she reacted so positively?

"You did a very, very wonderful thing, Cuthbert."

"Colleen," Tintin interrupted, standing beside the sink. "I believe you forgot to say something to Professor Calculus."

"I did?" It took a couple more seconds for her to remember what it was. Still holding Suzie she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around the little man. "Thank you Professor! Thank you thank you! You're so wicked awesome!"

"What? You want to help me with the blossoms in my garden?"

Her eyes popped open. "Uh-"

"Really? You will? Oh! That would be really generous of you, my dear child!"

"What? No I-Daddy!"

Haddock blinked. "I don't see what the problem is, Colleen. It would do you some good to go outside and get some fresh air."

"It would also be a kind way to repay the professor's favor," Tintin said. "That's something that family members do for each other when they really care about each other."

At first Colleen wanted to protest. Yet the carrot top had a point. If she was going to live with Daddy and Tintin and Professor Calculus, the latter might as well be considered the grandpa she never had. Professor Calculus was not her grandfather, of course, but he was a far nicer old man than her real grandfather ever was.

"Wonderful!" Calculus said. "We'll go outside after we finish our breakfast!"

"While you two are chowing down," Haddock stated, rising up, "I'll go, er, look at some legal papers upstairs. You know, boring grown up matters..."

"And as for me," said the carrot top, "I will prepare an essay in my office."

Colleen's nose wrinkled. "Eew. That does sound boring. Good luck with that..."

She took her first bite of egg as the twosome left the kitchen together.

"Legal papers, Captain?" Tintin said, clearly amused at the silly excuse. The two climbed the staircase towards their bedroom.

"I challenge you to craft me a better alibi, Mister Reporter. At least Cuthbert unintentionally gave us a way for Colleen to let us alone for a little while. Love the little sassy lass, you know, but..."

Tintin knew exactly what Captain Haddock was talking about. Every time they attempted to be intimate lately Colleen popped into the room like a toddler scared of the dark and wanting a hug from her parents. Even earlier that day, when they attempted morning sex for the first time in a month, Colleen unintentionally opened the door on them. He wanted to embarrassingly laugh at how Colleen commented that his naked buttocks resembled those of a woman's that she knew back in Maine, but it felt too immature of him to do so. It still shocked him how easily and swiftly he became comfortable with having sex with an older man at eighteen, and how much he enjoyed it at that. He only blushed before opening their bedroom door, allowing themselves in, and making damn sure to lock the door with the key in his pocket. Even if the girl wanted to get in she would require a batting ram to do so.

The captain wasted no time in turning Tintin towards him, forwarding him towards the burlier man's chest, and grabbing the reporter's butt with his large hands. Tintin leaned in closer and returned the gesture with a light lip lock.

They stood there in front of the door, just kissing for a few moments. For something so simple and so common that it was accepted in movies, it could be the most intimate thing about an entire love making session as far as Tintin was concerned. The genitals were obviously taboo, but there was just something about swirling his tongue around his lover's that really turned him on.

Haddock took a step back, then another. Tintin followed him until the other moved his hands from Tintin's ass to his side, pushing him onto the bed. The captain leaned over the lad and gave him another smooch. With one hand the captain fiddled around to undo his shirt's top button. Tintin, still kissing him, assisted until they undid all but the last one to throw it off the captain.

Captain's chest-another favorite of his. Like kissing, it was accepted for men to bare their chests in the appropriate situation. Yet the fact that the older man's chest was just as hairy as the rest of his body was enough to make Tintin's head begin spinning. It comforted him, like a childhood blanket. He smashed his cheek against the warm, wiry hair and rubbed against it while Haddock attempted to undo his belt and bell bottoms with someone touching him so intimately. Tintin did not even realize his pants and underwear were around his ankles until Haddock touched his smooth cheek with his rough fingertips, motioning him to tilt his head back.

Tintin laid down on the bed, hands under his ginger head. He smiled. Haddock mischievously grinned before lowering his hands and head between Tintin's legs. The lad cried out in surprise when the wet tongue first flicked across his length. Tintin's fingertips dug into the man's head all the while the mindful mouth sucking transitioned into mindless mouth fucking. Pleasurable groans evolved into frantic, pleasurable moans until Tintin reached his first climax in Haddock's mouth.

13131313

"Now wasn't that wonderful?" Professor Calculus asked Colleen an hour later. Dirt dyed his gray coveralls and gloves a scattered dark brown, as it did with the oversized blue overalls, gigantic yellow boots, and green dishwashing gloves the little girl borrowed from the man's bedroom and from Nestor's little corner of washing supplies under the kitchen sink. "Just another week and those blueberries will be ready for picking!"

Colleen patted her gloves against her denim covered knees, wiped her sleeve against her sweat soaked forehead. "Yeah, and the flowers," she panted. "Hey, can I have that pail, Professor?"

"Can you check the mail?" Calculus removed his right hand glove. "Sure, I'm positive the mail man has passed our residence by now. Let's go check!"

They left the garden behind the home and conducted a brief exodus towards the mailbox at the very front, right next to the doors that opened into the foyer. Colleen could barely reach the top of the black box while on her tiptoes. She continued struggling for about a minute when Professor Calculus finally flipped open the top and removed a handful of letters.

"Can I see?" Colleen asked. She knew none of the mail was really for her. If anyone in Maine missed her she didn't know it. Yet, she loved getting the mail, regardless of whether it was a bill or a housekeeping magazine. It was a reason to get out of the house back home, and it was fun to look at the pictures or an article if it was an entertainment magazine anyway.

"There's a bee? Oh, don't worry dear, they're harmless if you don't bother them. If you want to see just stand by me."

Colleen leaned over Calculus as he shuffled through that day's post. Bill, bill, bill-

"Hey! Look!" Colleen's finger pressed against the American stamp. "Daddy got a letter from-" The girl reread the return address, just to make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her. They weren't, she concluded after the third reading over.

The professor felt a little hand tug on the letter. "Now what are you doing?" He scolded her, pushing back. "It is very rude to take someone else's mail without his or her permission, you know."

"But-"

"No buts." Professor Calculus wagged a finger. "If your father informs me otherwise I'll apologize. For now, however, I will deliver this letter to him myself. Now how about you go wash up and locate Snowy to play with before lunch, Maureen?"

"But-"

"Oh, but Maureen," Calculus frowned. "We've been having such a pleasant day..."

Once again, another good point. As much as Colleen wanted to rebel, it just wasn't worth it with Professor Calculus. He was nice, and the gardening was actually not that bad as she thought even with the heat. She learned a couple of things about worms and ladybugs, and saw a prototype of a rainbow colored rose the man was attempting to breed. And even if she could continue protesting why her father couldn't have that letter, he was more or less deaf anyway. Understanding would be more or less impossible in the odd professor's situation anyway. She had no other choice then.

"...Fine."

The two went their separate ways in the foyer-Colleen to the ground floor bathroom to wash up, and the professor up the stairs.

Hmm... he thought, Now isn't Maureen's surname Fisher too?


	14. A Letter for a Mister A Haddock

Another thing Tintin loved about making love was the cuddling that followed. Granted, the Captain often fell asleep soon after coming, leaving the redhead having to lean against the sweat glistened , snoring man, but it was justified in his mind. Captain was getting older, not to mention he was the one that did the most dirty work in their physical relationship. Fine, let him sleep. He deserved it.

Of course, Tintin often found himself tired after a longer than usual session too. He only needed more than an orgasm or two like his lover did. The late spring, early summer June heat wouldn't allow him any comfort by laying an arm or his head against that soothing chest, not unless he wanted to stick against it like naked skin on a leather seat. Even covers were non ideal because of the weather.

Regardless, Tintin felt grateful to be close to the Captain after these setbacks. He lazily placed his hand onto the hairy, heaving chest and shut his eyes. Sleep almost possessed him when a knock on the door stirred him up.

At first Tintin, in his state, did not even register hearing it. His mind slowly, but eventually, comprehended it. Rather than immediately replying Tintin decided to continue lying against his lover. Just for another minute, that was all. Another minute couldn't hurt. His eyes shut again.

Whenever whoever knocked realized that no one was going to come open it, that person tried opening it his or herself. Tintin jumped off the bed, covered Haddock's shame with a sheet, ran about looking for his robe. The doorknob twisting and knocking continued.

"Just a minute, Colleen!"

"Oh no, this isn't Maureen!" Calculus said. "Although she did attempt to intercept this letter addressed to the captain!"

The former reporter quickly twisted a knot into his robe belt and opened the door.

"A letter?"

Calculus waved the letter before him. "Yes, she feels better after getting her doll back! This letter must be quite important for her to simply and utterly grab someone else's mail and presumably and most likely open it right afterward. If the captain gave her permission I will apologize to her."

Tintin blinked. He had no knowledge of what information was contained within the envelope, but a look at the return address after the professor handed him it gave him a hint.

"Oh yes! She did have permission," he said at a higher volume than usual. "Thank you Professor; I'll give this to the Captain when he wakes up."

"Very well then. I know I can trust you to sensitive documents, Tintin. I'll go talk to Maureen. In retrospect I was perhaps too hard on her. I will see the two of you later."

Calculus tipped his hat and went down the hall. Tintin gently nudged the door shut and reread the envelope's front. Along with a typewritten piece of paper obscuring the original forwarding address (most likely the Captain's old apartment or the last known address to his one time bedmate) there was a returning address for a Mister J.B. Fisher-Agnes's father, Colleen's grandfather. As much as he hated to admit it he needed to inform the captain of this as soon as possible. Tintin gave one Captain Haddock one last minute of shuteye before gently nudging his shoulder.

"Captain..." He said in a gentle, near whisper of a voice, similar to a mother calmly awaking her child, one that masked the urgency so that he did not immediately frighten him. "Captain, please wake up. This is important."

Haddock still snored. Tintin's tone turned more stern, his shaking more scattered. "Captain, get up-now. I have something for you, something very important."

"CAPTAIN! It's about Colleen!"

That woke him up.

"Colleen?" Haddock rubbed his eyes and scratched his head. "What about Colleen? Is she hurt? Quick! Get my ro-"

"Oh no, she's okay. She's probably just tired after gardening that's all. You got a letter in the mail, however." Tintin forwarded the letter. "Does the return address seem familiar to you?"

Haddock reread it several times, at first in mild shock and then in wild confusion. "Really? This waste of a man? What does he want with me?"

He ripped open the top with a quick flick of a thick finger. Tintin laid down on the bed, back supported by pillows, as he silently read over the contents with him.

"You can't be serious," Haddock said after finishing the top, typewritten letter. "That rotten bait thinks that he can just throw my little girl away like litter and then expect to have her given back to him? 'Change of heart,' my behind!"

"What are those other papers, Captain?"

He set the first letter aside. Legal documents followed.

"Blistering-"

"Change of heart or none, he must really want Colleen back if he has lawyers backing him up. Hand those over to me. I want to inspect them more closely."

"How dare he! How dare he ask for my child back! It's my child, not his!"

"True, but he still has custody according to the law. We're definitely going to need to have Thompson and Thomson give us her passport back now for sure."

"It will be a snowball's chance in hell before I just hand her back to those two dung beetles, Tintin!"

"I don't think you understand. They're threatening to charge you with kidnapping."

Haddock turned reddish purple. A vein in his temple threatened to rupture. "Me? Kidnapping? Archibald Haddock is no kidnapper! If they can threaten to charge me with kidnapping I'd like to charge him with child neglect! There surely must be a law for that in America, somewhere!"

"I'm sure there is too. But the state government is going to consider Colleen living with those that have legal custody of her a priority. We can fight, if we legally can... But as much as I hate to say it, it's true-before we can do anything we have to get to Maine first."


	15. Destination America

"Switzerland?" Colleen's nose wrinkled. "Why Switzerland, Daddy?"

The little girl's Mary Janes clanked against the leather chair she was sitting in. While doing this she was taking alternating looks at the white tea cup and plate in her lap and her father, also sitting in a leather chair across from her and smoking his pipe.

" Surely you must be dying of boredom after being stuck here for the longest time. I thought a little vacation would do us all a bit good."

"But what is there to do in Switzerland?"

"Oh, lots of things..." Haddock resumed smoking his pipe.

"Like?"

He sighed while rubbing his temples. "Like, I don't know... Chocolate. You like chocolate, right? Belgian chocolate is wonderful, but the Swiss is supposed to make the finest chocolates in all the world."

"Yeah, I like chocolate... But can't we just buy some Swiss chocolate here?"

Blistering... "There's also the Alps. Yes! The Alps! Of course, it's summer but surely there's some place where we can go skiing!"

"But I dunno how to ski," Colleen pointed out.

More temple rubbing. Not only did he feel the need for nicotine but he also wanted whiskey again.

"Oh, wait!" Colleen lifted her tea and readjusted her seat. "Isn't Switzerland where they have those dogs with the barrels on their collars?"

Haddock had a scant idea of what she was talking about, but not a great mental picture of it.

"Uh... Yes?"

"Oooh! Yeah, we can go! I wanna see the dogs with barrels on their collars! They look so dopey but so cute at the same time!"

"So that means 'yes' to Switzerland, lassie?"

"Oh yeah! If I can see them that would be so cool! I've only seen them in the movies and books!"

"Excellent! I'll go reserve our plane tickets now!"

Captain Haddock left his seat and the room, still smoking his pipe. A tinge of guilt tainted his sense of satisfaction as he walked towards Tintin's office because he knew what he just did. Tricking a little girl (and his little girl at that)- what a rotten thing to do. In a way, he felt he had to do it. There was no way in a thousand thundering typhoons or the fiery depths of hell that Colleen would willingly return to America, at least for the reason they were going to her home country. Yes, the guilt was bad. But it seemed best. A little guilt was a necessary sacrifice for peace during this time.

I hope that Colleen won't hate me for doing this, he thought.

He knocked on Tintin's office door. Even though Tintin was expecting him, it felt polite enough to at least acknowledge his presence before opening the redhead's door.

"Come in," the lad said. Why Tintin didn't ask who was knocking first was beyond the ex-captain. What if it had been Nestor, or the Professor, or a thug that somehow broke into his mansion? Apparently the ex-reporter was trusting his gut. Oh well. He was welcomed entry anyway.

The door squeaked. A typewriter was busily tapping letters into words and words into sentences until it suddenly stopped. Tintin smiled at the captain, hands resting before the typewriter.

"So were you able to convince Colleen?"

Haddock stuffed a hand down a pocket. "Er... yes. It took quite a bit of convincing, but uh... yep, the lassie eventually agreed to go. Will you take care of the traveling arrangements or should I?"

15151515

There weren't any tickets direct to Portland, the nearest airport site near Colleen's coastal hometown, but there were enough tickets to New York City for two adults and a little girl (with a pet dog in tow).

Damn did Colleen want to read a book. Or take Snowy out of his cage and to play fetch with him somehow, even if she had to resort to tossing Suzie towards him. Or anything besides wait for the gates to open to bring them to-

"New York City? Why there, Dad?" she said, tugging on his blue pullover. "I thought we were going to Switzerland!"

"Archibald," Tintin said sternly. "What did you tell her?"

Haddock gulped. It wasn't often that Tintin called him by his first name, or vice versa. Even after becoming lovers they found it so awkward to call each other by such in normal conversation that it was reserved for times when extreme emotions were present: anger, annoyance, passion. From the looks of it Tintin was fighting building anger and annoyance.

"Didn't tell me what?" Colleen said, unsure whether to be angry or just confused like she already was.

Haddock tugged on his collar, looking down at the tiny girl that only went up to his navel. "Well, uh... I'm sorry lassie but we're not going to Switzerland right now. There was a... change of plans, so to speak."

"Like...?"

This time Tintin spoke, getting down on one knee first and clutching her shoulder second. "Colleen, we're going to New York before transferring to Portland."

"But isn't Portland in-" The girl's eyes just about popped out of their sockets. Jerking away she cried, "No. No! No, no, no, no! NO!"

Haddock began "Now, Colleen-"

"NO! I don't wanna go back there! I like it here! Why can't we have me stay here?" She stamped a foot into the linoleum floor. "I don't wanna!"

Tintin's grasp tightened. "That's part of the problem. Your grandparents want you back."

"NO!" Colleen screeched so hard her voice rasped. Haddock turned beet red as people turned to look at them. "I don't wanna go back to them. They're horrible. You guys are better!"

"That's true," Tintin said, "but your grandparents want us to take you back. There's nothing we can do now, because they have papers and the law on their side."

"You mean you guys are abandoning me?!" The now sniffling girl said.

"Absolutely not!' Captain Haddock yelled.

"No, but-"

"But what?" The swollen eyed girl asked.

Tintin opened his mouth but Haddock spoke the words. "We're gonna make damn sure that you come back home with us when we're done with them. "

"Precisely," Tintin said. "We'll try to have the law go into our favor. We don't want you living with them. We love you here at Marlinspike with us. But to do that we need to go to Maine first. Alright?" Tintin smiled.

Sniffling, Colleen wiped her face. "Fine..."

Tintin stood up. He noticed people turning away from the scene now, having had their anticipations of a hydrogen bomb sized meltdown averted. "Captain, how about we stay at New York for a day before we fly off to Portland? Anything to make this trip a little less horrible for Colleen."

"Well, sure. Of course, lad. I don't see what's wrong with that."

...

The threesome sat together in the left row in the middle of the plane, with Tintin sitting in the seat right next to the aisle, and Colleen sitting besides the window. Haddock read a pamphlet that he found under his shoe on the way to his seat. Tintin adjusted himself to make himself as comfortable as possible in his cramped seat. As for Colleen, she held Suzie tight against her chest and her suitcase full of books and other packed at the last minute trinkets to pass the time on what she was sure was going to be a very boring and very unwanted flight tucked in a cubbie above their seat.

I just hope I never see them again after this, she thought just before the signal to indicate that it was time to buckle one's seatbelt lit up.


	16. Explorers of the Concrete Jungle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been sixteen months since the last update. Whoops. For some reason this chapter was far harder to write than I ever imagined. I've never been to New York City, especially 1950s New York City so obviously there's some changes and definite errors in this. There's a lot of playing around in this chapter as a result.

"Did we arrive safely?" Tintin nodded his head and smiled. He placed the phone ear piece tighter against his ear. "Yes, Chang, we arrived at Idlewild safely. No problems at all. We're currently at a suite near Times Square. We'll be in New York for a day before heading up to Maine. ... Can we-- Yes, if we have the time I'll try to see you. I'd love for that to happen as much as you."

Something "kaboomed" on the cartoon Colleen was watching in the suite living room. In the bathroom near the bedroom Tintin was in the toilet flushed.

"I'm sorry friend, but I think I need to go now. I'll talk to you more later, promise. Have a good day. Bye!"

Captain Haddock closed the bathroom door behind him. Tintin's feet hit the floor.

"All ready, Captain?"

He scratched his burly beard, readjusted his teal tie. "Just about. How about Colleen?"

"Colleen?"

She was far from ready. They packed and she wore the new baby blue shirt and short set they purchased right before the trip but she was back in her usual clothes for the day despite their day old funk. There was a brush waiting for someone to use it, but it was in the sink far from the girl that needed to manage her bed head. Instead of using said brush, or brushing her teeth, or placing her mary janes on her brown feet she watched the screen in seeming awe with Suzie slumped on her lap.

"Colleen lassie, come now," her father said. "Go get changed now."

"In a minute," the transfixed girl replied after wasting a minute with silence.

"In a minute? But we're going to be late for everything!" Haddock grunted. He walked towards her. "What is it on that blistering set that is so impor--"

When Snowy briefly joined immediately after the audience totaled three. The ex-captain's jaw sunk the fastest and widest. His hand gripped her shoulder as he sat down Indian-style beside her.

"Captain? Colleen? What's wrong? Was there a plane cr--"

Tintin got his answer upon seeing it himself. Standing above both but more behind Haddock his jaw dropped as hell in both shock and awe. Some of the cheapest and stiffest animation he ever witnessed filled the screen. The burly white haired action man and his little boy and dog sidekicks moved through the jungle in movement reminiscent of a puppet's. That was not caused the three humans to stay and the little dog to flee. The mouths were not even animated, at least in the traditional sense of pen and paint. Real life mouths absent from real life flesh gave them voice. Something about that movement was just... wrong. Disturbing. For something so innocent Tintin felt a little frightened.

"What is this?" Tintin asked Colleen.

She shrugged. "Whatever it is it's weiiiird."

Another minute elapsed before the announcer answered the mutual question. "Will Edgar Embargo and Pippy survive the fireworks factory explosion? Or will more than sparks start to fly soon? Tune in tomorrow for another exciting installment of Edgar Embargo!"

Captain Haddock wasted no time in turning the knob to "off." He breathed a sigh in relief at no more Edgar Embargo and his creepy mouth.

"Hey!"

"No, I think that's enough telly for now, lassie. Get dressed."

"But I'm--"

He pointed a finger at her. "Properly dressed. Now."

After a moment Colleen got up and into the bedroom with a groan. Five minutes later she returned hair brushed and in her new outfit: white polo shirt, royal blue skirt, royal blue light coat. Atop her head was a light blue headband that pulled her cowlick back. Her stockings and mary janes were not new but still looked appropriate enough. She stuffed the hand not clutching Suzie's arm and walked to the two adults.

"So where are we going anyway?"

The men stared at each other.

"You don't know?" Her hands rose above her head. "You mean you guys rushed me for nothing?!"

"No..." Captain Haddock said. "We have an idea..."

"Broad...way?" Tintin said. "Is that good?"

"I don't like musicals. They're stupid. No one sings all of a sudden like that."

"To be honest Tintin I don't really like musicals either." The captain winced, shook his head.

"What do you suggest, Captain?" Or Colleen?"

Colleen shrugged again. "Sorry! I know more about Bar Harbor than I do New York."

"Um... I was actually reading a book of tourist attractions on the plane here and I think I found a couple things Colleen would enjoy at least."

Her blue eyes sparkled. "Me?"

He nodded with a wide grin on his face.

"Ooh! Daddy, please tell me!"

"No. You'll just have to wait!"

"What is it, Captain?" Tintin wondered if it was the same things he read in the book.

He wagged his finger. "Nuh-uh! You'll find out too! Come on!"

The first step was at a store that specialized in--

"Toys!" Colleen gasped with not even two steps in the front door. "Wow! This is the biggest toy store I've ever seen!"

Haddock grinned again. "And it's the only one of its kind!"

The star struck child walked absentmindedly around, absorbing the giant toy soldiers guarding sections of the story and giant balls and presents decorating other parts.

The father laughed. "What are you waiting for? Go find something you want!"

Colleen began her search for accessories and clothes that Silly Suzie could wear. After a question with a stocker the back right corner of the store proved to be the place to go for such items. Beside shelves stocked with pink boxed blonde, brunette, and titian Suzies were pegged rows of plastic encased outfits on top and Silly Suzie decorated cases and toy furniture boxes resting on the bottom. Colleen, squeezing her own pink dress wearing dollie, moved to her tippy toes in front of the display.

"Daddy! Tintin, look! Isn't this so wicked awesome?" Now she happily hopped.

"Ah yes it is! You know what's even better?"

"What Dad?"

"You can get whatever you want 'cause Daddy's got the cash! Just don't take too muh-- Colleen!"

The girl began stacking boxes of doll beds on the floor. Two boxes in and she gave up. "Say carrot top, can you help me get that sailor outfit at the very, very top? Please? I also want that nurse one, and the teacher one, and the pilgrim one, and the..."

A short time later they left the store, Captain Haddock carrying four huge bags crammed with doll clothes and a giant turquoise Silly Suzie doll trunk in his clutches. Colleen synced her steps with the carrot top walking his leashed dog along the sidewalk.

"Hey Tintin, do you think one of Suzie's dresses can fit Snowy?"

Tintin attempted to picture the little babydoll clothes on his pet. He had dressed up Snowy before and he appeared to tolerate, if not like it. With some of the choices like the lavender flower girl dress they appeared goofy, even well, silly, on him. Then with others, like the fuzzy red coat, it would appear fitting or even dashing, assuming it would even fit in the first place. The dimensions appeared off, but a mental approximation was not law. He'd have to measure Snowy and the clothes first.

Haddock appeared aghast. "At three dollars a dress? Oh no! Snowy's going to have to get his own dresses at that price!"

Tintin fiddled around. "Perhaps."

The girl whooped. Haddock looked at Tintin in shock. Tintin smiled, much like an imp, and shrugged his shoulders. The older man sighed.

"Here's my request, then. Can we just make a quick detour at the hotel before Serendipity... What number is at the end of it again?"

It was easy to know what to order for Colleen at Serendipity 3. She wet her finger and picked up some of the cocoa powder that landed on the plate sitting under the frrrozen hot chocolate goblet. She sampled the powder, fought the urge to shove a straw into her mouth and start pigging out. Tintin, meanwhile, struggled to not giggle at the girl whose mouth had to be salivating like his dog with a bone.

"Did I get it right?" Captain Haddock asked.

"You bet!"

"Then quit lollygagging landrubber! Drink it before it melts!"

The girl immediately dug in. The Captain slurped his own at a much slower rate and Tintin at his milk splashed earl grey.

A straw poked against Tintin's shoulder. "Care for a sip, lad?"

Across the room, a table away from the corner facing the storefront, was a twentysomething, possibly newlywed, couple sharing a frrrozen hot chocolate as well. Outside of a drink for chocoholic kids to devour this had to be something connotated with romance. Granted, the Captain did like chocolate (albeit not at a level close to Colleen's), but seeing the male half of the pair getting to do what he couldn't in public (kissing his partner on the cheek) after the end of another round with the straw gnawed at his stomach.

He shook his head, formed a smile. "No, I'm fine."

0000

What is going on with me? Tintin thought. Usually he was fine experimenting with how far he could go with his lover in public. Today, though, an insecurity that hadn't appeared since Colleen came home and grew more curious about her father's friend living with him reemerged.

Perhaps it was because they were in a place where it was much dangerous being who he was in public? Homosexuals weren't given a free pass in Belgium by any means but it was still better than in most parts of the world. Serendipity 3 was hours ago, earlier in the afternoon. He still felt bugged. As long as he felt that way he could not fully enjoy what was happening now.

Now they were in a carriage around Central Park with Colleen and Suzie in the center and Snowy attempting to sleep atop his feet. The Captain swung his strong arm behind Colleen and Tintin and rested his palm on the redhead's shoulder. He squeezed it. Tintin knew precisely what was occurring. It was the Captain's way of holding hands if they were in public and sitting down, versus clutching hands together like other people. Colleen moved her head towards her father's side and closed her eyes, began to snooze. Her nose occasionally softly whistled. Tintin scooted closer as well. Here was the main family together: Captain, Snowy, Colleen and him. At least, they were together... for now.

"She really can sleep peacefully, huh lad?" Haddock whispered. The hand once on Tintin's shoulder combed her wavy hair.

He matched the smile on the weary, older father's face. His head bobbed up and down.

"I really hope the lassie sleeps this well tonight. Considering what's probably about to come she'll need all she can get, for sure."


	17. An Unfamiliar Hometown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They make it to Colleen's hometown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It only gets worse from here.

Colleen's braided ponytail whipped against her side as she turned around. Increasingly Portland became more of a recent memory rather than the city where she ate continental at not even an hour prior.

Suzie secured by her elbow and chest, she pressed her fingertips into the carpeted deck, as if to try to anchor the car Tintin drove. Instead all but the tallest buildings seemingly vanished.

"Do we have to go?" She asked.

Haddock interrupted his snore with a sputter. "What's that?"

"Do. We. Have. To. Go?"

"You know we have to Colleen," Tintin replied.

"But I don't want to."

"Neither do we," Haddock said.

Snowy's whine proved perfectly timed.

"I don't want to go," She repeated, now squeezing Suzie tighter. "I don't want to go."

"Now lassie, don't be like that. If I could I'd go right to your grandparent's faces and tell them to... kiss my behind. But we're civilized folk, so we're going to get it over with like civilized folk."

Tintin swerved to avoid a moose, jerking father, child, and dog to the left.

"BLISTERING BARNACLES! Watch the road, you dumb beast!" Haddock yelled out the window, perhaps thinking the creature yards behind could hear and understand him. "Or else next time I'll have Nestor make a nice stew out of ya!"

"Try not to focus on what's going to happen soon," Tintin suggested. "We've had a nice last couple days."

The girl pressed her back further into the car door. The doll between her legs appeared as sharp dressed as her owner did in a chocolate brown play dress bought back in New York.

"Yeah, we did..."

17171717

Downward they treked towards New Hampshire. A little over an hour later passed, and the whole time Colleen attempted to do as Tintin said. Even with frozen hot chocolate flashbacks, however, increasing dread filled her stomach. It was like a countdown- after the stomach the dread would manifest in stress and anxiety about the rest of her body. The moment it completed that task would be the moment either Dad or Tintin would say--

"There it is!"

Her father pointed to the sign. Sure enough, there it was. In plain white letters on green background: Cheddar Bay, established 1820, population 350, lifelong hometown of one Colleen Anne Fisher.

Snowy joined Colleen's lap only to be squeezed slightly less hard than the doll as they moved down on main street. Everything- the Atlantic hugging the side, the port where a couple lobster boats still rested, the brick courthouse and elementary school, the Moose Head gas station- as familiar as the hair on her head. And yet, not all that comforting...

"Well I'll be, the Captain said as the car reached main street's edge, "the Red Coat tavern's still here."

Her nose wrinkled. "Uh, yeah. It's always been here..."

"Oh Captain! There's a park! Should we stretch our legs there for a quick minute?"

"Please!" Colleen snapped.

The park was rather a rocky beach with some play equipment and benches. With it so close to the coast all one could smell was seawater. The little white dog happily hopped down and escorted Tintin to a tree. Colleen, meanwhile, stood with pebbles under her feet, the cool-for-the-day air chilling what wasn't covered by indigo bolero, white buttoned up polo with thin black string bowtie and dark blue skirt.

Her father grunted out the parking lot, clutching his aging lower back.

"Hmm? What are you waiting for, lass? The playground's right there!"

Yes it was. But there were other kids on the swings, slides, and sandboxes, and their mothers on the benches alternating attention between romances and the living products of them. If her eyes didn't deceive her--

"Colleen?"

No they weren't. The only good thing in this stupid town was at the playground too. What a coincidence. Colleen still cradled her doll as she moved forward.

"Lydia?" Her stomach conflicted between happiness and anxiety.

The curly, freckled, redhead on the right swing skidded her shoes against the gravel. Lydia hopped off, running towards the other girl. Colleen joined, spreading her arms more until they were high in the sky. The two hugged for a couple moments upon contact, then broke apart.

"Where've you been, Call?" Lydia said. "I haven't seen you at all since school ended!"

Colleen moved more animated than she had earlier. "Oh you'd be surprised!"

"Found a friend, eh?" Her father said, finally catching up.

"Who's that?" Lydia asked. "Say he--"

"Lydia..." Colleen turned around. Like a model on a game show she showcased the man like a new dining room set. "Meet my dad!"

Haddock waved. "Uh, hello there. How are you?"

"Wow! I knew he looked familiar! He looks just like you! Down to the nose!"

The former captain held onto his nose. In the process he appeared cross-eyed, which made the girls giggle.

"Yeah," Colleen said. "I've actually been gone the whole time because I was at my dad's place!" She whispered into her ear: "He's filthy rich!"

"Ooh, I can see. Your clothes look so nice. Must've cost a pretty penny." Lydia resumed at normal level: "Say, you wanna join me at the swings?"

"What, you really think I'd say no to that? Let's go!"

The father smiled while watching the girls dash back. The redhead returned to her seat. Colleen grabbed onto the center swing's chains only to hear a woman bark:

"Oh not you again!"

The girls turned their heads back.

"Momma?"

The dark brunette woman's hands held her hips as if they were about to explode. "Get away from my daughter, Colleen."

Her fists tightened on the chains. "Why?"

"We've had this talk before. I don't want you around her."

"Why Momma?" Lydia asked this time. "She's my friend!"

"Now what's going on here?" Captain Haddock said, arriving after turning from a bench.

"Who in God's name are you?" The mother asked.

"I'm Colleen's father. And you?"

"Her father!" Her arms crossed. "Oh, you think you now coming back after all these years makes it any better? Forgive me, but I don't want my daughter to become a little whore like yours is going to be."

The veins in his neck bulged out. "What did you just call her?!"

The woman forwarded her hand to her daughter. "Let's go, Lydia."

"But--"

"I said, let's go home, Lydia!"

Lydia reluctantly stood. Her hand began to wave only for her mother to grab her arm like a ghoul and jerk her forward. The mother called out by the sandbox:

"Billy, say goodbye to Dickie! Time to go!"

Facing Colleen she just about growled, "If I ever catch you around my angel again there will be hell to pay."

Haddock clenched his fists as he began following the family to the parking lot. "Get back here! How dare you speak of my daughter like that! I said--"

Behind him came sniffles, and those from a little girl. He didn't have to guess who. Colleen immediately buried her wet face into his chest, with Suzie slapped against his side. Up in the air the tiny ten-year-old went. Haddock hugged tighter, and she did, as her feet anchored along his sides also.

"There, there... It's alright..."

Colleen forced a loud, squeaky cry. "It's not fair, Daddy. It's not fair!"

They moved towards the parking lot. "No, it's not. And if she wasn't a woman I'd whack about that warthog silly for treating a child like that. She doesn't have a clue what she's talking about."

"It really stinks 'cause Lydia is my best friend and her mom's such a witch."

"Well Colleen, don't forget this. Last name or not you're a Haddock. Not even the worst one would fall as low as her. And I'll prove my best when we're at your grandparents."

The car door opened. Softly Haddock dropped Colleen and Suzie into the backseat. "You hungry? How does a lobster roll for lunch beforehand sound?"

17171717

This was it. This was it. This was it.

In front of her and the rest of the party was their destination. A pretty white ranch house with blue and violet annuals in little stone urns by the screened cherry front door.

"Are you ready, Colleen?" Tintin said.

As ready as she'd ever be. She transferred Suzie to her left arm. Her finger hovered by the doorbell.

This was it. This. Was. It.

The doorbell rang. Immediately she stepped backwards into her father, who tried not to yelp loudly at her hitting his foot. Her breathing just about hitched.

The knob wiggled, and then the door slowly began to open.


	18. Come Into My Parlor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colleen's grandparents make their debut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really suck at writing villains. Sorry.

The door opened. Through the clear screen the trio could see a frail looking woman in her late sixties to early seventies with loosened curled dyed carrot orange red hair on the other side. She placed one hand on her beige dress covered hip and another on her horn-rimmed glasses frame, looking in possible disbelief.

"Colleen?" The woman asked in a Delta accent.

"Hi, Grandma," The granddaughter grumbled.

Her attention turned to Captain Haddock. "And I presume you're--"

Haddock nervously chuckled while adjusting his tie. "Uh, yes. Her father." He seemed beside himself before beginning to forward his arm, when the woman stated:

"Hold your horses, hon! Let me open it first!" She turned her head as her fingers turned the door lock. "Jonathan! Come into the parlor! Don't forget the petit-fours!"

The next few minutes passed as shoes and hats came off, bottoms sat in chairs, and a teapot and little cakes on heavy ceramic trays thudded on the doily decorated table. Colleen, and less obviously her father sitting beside her on the couch, sniffed deeply at the heavy scent of gardenias filling the heavily antique and lace ornamented room. Snowy jumped into Tintin's lap.

The grandmother's nose wrinkled. "Oh yes, about the dog..."

"Snowy is more or less behaved, ma'am," Tintin said.

"I would still highly appreciate it if you tie him up in the back."

"Doable enough." With little effort he picked up his barking dog. "Sorry, boy. I'll see you later."

"The door to the backyard is in the kitchen. Honey, please show--"

"Tintin," he replied to her perplexed stare.

"--Mister Tintin the way out."

The house really wasn't that hard to navigate through. He could see the hallway into the bathroom and bedrooms and the dining room on the other side of the house and could hear the fridge door close on the other side of the wall. But Tintin never commented as he walked towards the short, cane assisted man whose head poked out of the walkway into the room.

"May I ask who Mister Tintin is?"

"In what way?" Haddock asked.

"What is his relationship to you?"

"Relationship!" Captain Haddock forced a laugh. "Inside his nervous self he hoped Colleen would keep in cahoots of what alibi Tintin and he concocted about this very thing before leaving Brussels. "He's just a family friend."

"He seems awfully young. Perhaps no more than 15 years older than Colleen."

Haddock's stomach knotted. "Yes. But he's quite intelligent. He used to be a reporter, before he retired from that line of work. I offered to take him in so that he wouldn't struggle with finances anymore."

That was technically true. Not the whole truth, but certainly one of the reasons he allowed Tintin to move into Marlinspike with him.

"Why couldn't any of his relatives take him in then?"

"H--y'know, no offense, but why am I answering this instead of Tintin?"

"You mentioned me, Captain?"

Tintin motioned for Haddock and Colleen to scoot. He sat down to Colleen's left as Colleen's grandfather sat down in the armchair across from his wife's.

With a thicker Maine accent than Colleen, the old man barked: "Margarite! How about some tea now?"

"Of course, dear."

Colleen plunked her first sugar cube from her spoon to her filled cup as Missus Fisher began:

"So as you know, we're Colleen's grandparents. I'm from Yazoo City, Mississippi. Jonathan has been living here his entire life. A mutual friend in college introduced us when he came down here, and when we tied the knot I moved up north with him. Jonathan's been fishing for near all his life. I did it less after our little Aggie was born, but I've been teaching piano for the longest... Oh! Colleen!"

Sugar cube number three landed in her cup. She faced her grandmother, looking like she'd been caught.

"Colleen. Go play something on the piano." A well manicured finger pointed at the piano in the corner. "Let's see if you've been keeping up with your lessons in Europe."

"None of that chinky 'Chopsticks' crud either," Mister Fisher grunted. " Some real music!"

"Tintin said that--"

"Tintin said _what_?" Missus Fisher said.

She stopped halfway to the instrument. "N-nothing."

"It better've been nothin'," the grandmother seemingly warned.

Colleen placed Suzie atop the piano, then leafed through the sheet music also atop the piano. A minute or two later Clair de Lune began.

"Not bad," Haddock commented with a beam. "Not bad at all, lassie!"

"She's rusty," Margarite retorted, hands under chin. "The timing and rhythm's all wrong."

"Really? Why I find it quite nice."

She grunted. "We'll get her back on it as soon as possible."

"And what makes you say that?"

"She should live with relatives."

"And I'm her father."

Her tone grew more venomous like her stare. "If you really think a court of law will let you take her into your custody so easily, you're sorely mistaken. I can see it. You may be dressed nicely and richer than I could ever dream of, but you're just as white trash as you were the day you came to this amazing country. Colleen doesn't need any more of her future tarnishing."

"You threw her out like broken furniture," Haddock grunted.

"Captain--"

"I was drunk and angry," Mister Fisher commented, gruff as ever. "Damned booze clouded everything."

"Now I've been drunk and never, ever--"

Colleen quit playing. Everyone looked at her. She looked at them. "I'm done."

"No, you're not. Play another tune, sweetie." The last word felt as endearing as a large dental cavity.

"Uh... Moonlight Sonata or Für Elise?"

" _Would you rather play _Moonlight Sonata or Für Elise?"__

__"...I will just pick one," Colleen mumbled._ _

__Moonlight Sonata began. Missus Fisher cleared her throat._ _

__"We knew you would pull this after Colleen did not return immediately. So we already hired a lawyer. It'd be wise for you to do the same. We'd like to go to trial as soon as possible."_ _

__Haddock watched his daughter play the haunting tune. Inside he filled with dread, not just from the sound coming from the piano keys but also the idea of..._ _

__He nodded. "The faster, the better."_ _


End file.
